Hello ** ******,
I have quit THC this past weekend and am going through an intense depression that is causing me to not want to do anything. My apologies for reaching out with such information, it’s just I have been bed ridden for 17 hours. Should I ride this out? I don’t want to turn back to THC, it’s just that I’m in decent mental pain to the point where getting up is a task.
Do you have resentment towards yourself? Are you unhappy with the quality of human you came into the world as? What’s so wrong? Does your brain hurt to think about…that part…and how it makes you feel to think about how other people feel about it? And so be it, but what is it truly? Is it dissatisfaction or envy? Hm why not both? What is it then? Envy formed out of dissatisfaction? Or vice versa? Hm. And what does that mean for the likes of those around you? Must they suffer at your suffering? What a drag. Is that why they’re called drag queens? They’re all dragging us down with their ultimate showcasing of dissatisfaction with their natural born bodies in embodying that of which does not physically appear when they enter the shower? This cannot be the case, can it? Are our identities based on envy? I don’t even mean envy, I mean a certain adherence to an image that has overtaken one’s mind. I think my relationships with both women and men alike have shaped my identity, and although it may be a world of my own making, is it not those around us that assist in shaping our own inner realms? To such a degree, I most certainly may have myself had an impact on the identities of those I’ve come into close contact with. Thus it comes across as a nearly inescapable circumstance that we as living organisms undergo in our fluctuations through our vibrational undertakings via living. Would it benefit anyone to remove oneself from the whole of it? It comes across as unlikely that a mass flux will suddenly seek such isolation, so one may likely find plenty of space to develop an identity beyond the immediate surface of every day interactions. The key at that point is embarking on the meditative mind, of which will be in conjecture with the idea of enlightenment, if that is what one so desires, otherwise, perhaps at least, they will find solace in emptying the mind of memories, at least temporarily depending on the individuals connection to such memories (and the value placed towards them).
If this all sounds too weighty, then continue on the path of identity swapping. My estimate is that it may just be an element of societal normality, thus pivotal in the process of collective evolution, thus likely evolving the individual (albeit blips of resistance as keys enter their respective holes) to such an extent that may blow any idea of resentment (and ultimately rejection) of ones natural born physical state out of the spectrum of thought entirely. that is to say our evolution may propel us forward with such masterfulness that we won’t even notice the shift in attitudes that will occur collectively, of which will be a soft, gentle, yet massive wave of acceptance that will coarse over each and every one involved in that warping being. It may in fact be reminiscent of that individual who sought escape from identity sharing, that is to say that the whole will be like the one, and so separation will be simultaneously assumed while also never existing to a most comfortable extent. In trying to understand this moving forward, perhaps take a really long time to look at yourself in the mirror and try to think about as many other people than yourself as you can while you’re staring into your own eyes. Try not to get lost in the abyss on such an endeavor, although if you do, have fun!
Thoughts of the Water Bearer ♒︎ – March
March 15, 2015
“The man of virtue makes the overcoming of challenges his first business, and success only a second consideration.” – Confucius
March 16, 2015
Life Guard
-Safety Consciousness
-Follow Rules
-Cleanliness
-Everything must be clean
-Strive for ZERO complaints
-Punctuality
-Arrive on time
• Mandatory Employee Meeting
•Middle of May at pool
•Teaching how to handle the pool
•Uniform required (paid for by me)
•Work scheduled hours
•Solely responsible to find sub
March 17, 2015
•Double speak will no longer exist
“It is the manners and spirit of a people which preserve a republic in vigor.” – Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, Query XIX
•Stay civilized – violence cannot be the answer
Malcom X – Speak the language they speak in order for them to understand. The same language had been being spoken the whole time. It is was is perceived, what is seen that will change the outlook of those who have a hard time seeing clearly “They know not what they do” and neither do we if we partake in their language. Start your own language and new ideas will rise with it.
•Leadership – things cannot be started w/o a 2nd party
-Give and take from your followers as there will always be new ideas that will benefit the cause for the better
-Stay virtuous – “Stay true and ravage, family.”
March 19, 2015
*Positive/Negative reinforcement is more affective than punishment
March 24, 2015
The world has too man ********* ****** ****** to ***** ****** ** **** *** ** ****, at least this *****. I’m gonna get **** ****, yo.
What should I be? Movie idea: K*** *** **********.
So *** gets *** by a car or something (but it’s actually two ***** **** fans who had wanted *** ** *** but didn’t mean to **** ***) and then she is immortalized in a Marilyn Monroe esq fashion and ***** doesn’t have to pretend like he needs a family anymore and he starts taking care of his baby or the best thing for that baby which is drop her off at the doorstep of an orphanage where she’ll head a normal life GET HER OUT NOW ***** I KNOW YOU SEE THE ENTIRE DIFFICULT TRUTH WITHIN YOURSELF YOU ARE THE PROPHET YOU WILL FIND THE LIGHT ONCE AGAIN!
I’ve found that you really gotta figure out your personal problems and fix em up before you try to pursue anything else in life. I think my biggest problem right now is that I’m limiting myself w/ a ********* but that’s for reasons difficult to understand, especially to the average bear. Call me yogi instead of pooh LMAO I’m a fuck up on a lot of levels but I love ***** they’re so fantastic. I simply can’t wait to be free. You can say I don’t want my ********* anymore with some very solid evidence, but I’ve found showing restraint for something can benefit both parties for the better so why not show some nonchalant behavior for a change. Make this separation of power a little less heavy on the soul. First things first – delete twitter, instagram, facebook, and any other distractions from my life. Learn. Lift. Make money. Three things I sense will bring future happiness. I sacrificed my freshmen year to give this **** a **** to remember. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I have found that honest is dead concept, like Latin. It seems I tend to lack in interest in anything that lacks interest in me. But it is the ones who find substance in things that don’t even care that that someone exists will be most successful once they understand that. There’ll be those who will sacrifice themselves to a careless cause in search of acceptance because acceptance feels good. But that’s wrong. You must absorb as you sacrifice and through this action you will find self-acceptance. Do not sacrifice to gain for others, but in a charitable act where you have enough to sacrifice for someone else.
March 29, 2015
No one needs to die ever. Just because certain beliefs obstruct honest points of view, doesn’t mean they need to die.
No need to be lazy except for when stress is abundant. In which case, lay around, take a nap, play a game or something
There are so many beautiful people in this world. How can I restrain myself from experiencing ** ***** **** ** ****? How can I ***** just one being and limit my all out **** to just one? How can I bare children when there are plenty in this world to adopt? Would I become the ghost of my past once I reach parenthood?
How something so perfect could be so cluttered in this absurd fakeness. There so much perfection within yet you see others and their acts and you believe that’s who you need to be but it’s not you’re the sun you need not worry about those specs of dust but with that I must retreat to the lust I need from ****/***** ****(*) who are so ***. I won’t hold you back on your gilded journey you fucking fiend go **** your ***** **** **** wearing your **** ******* talking about how fun shitty music is and keep making fun of who I AM I’m so real that it’ll blind you **** ***** ******* ******* I’ll show you and the rest of you spoiled fucks I will stay true and RAVAGE
STAY TRUE AND RAVAGE
3/30/15
Cause if not, I’m a failure.