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The Milton Scribe

Tag: mental-health

  • I felt infinity (Winter, 2005) [By Z]

    Escritor de la Tierra

    I will try to explain how I feel. Everything I see has an unseen base or little planet where it functions. Everything is different there are never 2 things exactly alike, what they see is part of the big picture under the universe.

    We are all different aliens with different reasons to do things and we live all in our minds and we tell our body what to do. I think everything is part of the astral dimension. When I felt infinity it scares me. But how I can not only feel it I know it. I hate it. The physical dimension is nothing compared to the astral I think there is also a couple others. I dunno.

    I really can’t do anything. I failed BIG tests today I’m sure. I don’t know what’s wrong w/ me but I’m fairly sure no I’m sure I’m not just imagining it.

    ᦠ

    {NOTE From the Scribe: this was “pre psychedelics” Z, too; they don’t hate infinity or find it scary anymore or think people are aliens [not that psychedelics had much to do with that but it was “mental illness” at this time] ᦠ it was around the time they thought their friends were secretly aliens and hallucinated some stuff so that’s why it was scary}

    Visual by Z

  • Optimal Solution (4/1/25)

    Escritor de la Tierra

    Mathematical ecologist

    Harvesting ∘ Environment

    Social interaction ∘ water ∘ information

    Animal behaviors ∘ computations

    Voice of… (4/2/25)

    (4/3/25)

    Appreciating life before the grave.

    Supposed to be hot & rainy this weekend

    Not sure what

    What we go through (4/5/25)

    We’re out of our fucking minds ∘ money making vehicle

    High occupancy Who the hell do you think you are?

    You know what’s hilarious

    You are or you aren’t

    What are you sad about?

    Over the horizon

    Jesus Christ

    Crazy Elf

    Learned a lot of things in life

    Building everything from the ground (4/5/25)

    level ∘ Doing something about it •

    Starting from a better place

    What is your level of independence?

    Force to reckoned with

    Folks like you don’t come around often

    Still working ∘ support ∘ go a long way ∘

    ∘

    improving brain functions

    ∘

    Ringing, gorgeous beauty

    ∘

    Legacy ∘ Billionaires

    Foreign leaders ∘ Controlling the World

    People who get this will understand

    Learning about who you are

    Desperate wealth • Individual basis

    There is a Winner (4/5/25)

    What can we expect to see? Show up • $40 million • One hundred million dollars • Business Working women & men ∘ Creates the system ∘ What do you believe?

    The body learns

    the will to live is an interesting thing.

    Is anything possible to anyone?

    Challenges ∘ Neural ∘ dopamine circuitry

    Embrace new learning, new challenges

    Renovation • Unexpected • Preparation

    Imagine a great place

    Mindful Hospital

    Stress is by far the biggest killer

    Measure their stress levels -> will give us answers about our health

    You don’t get burnout if you’re mindful (4/5/25)

    It can be exhausting if you’re not getting anything • we need a mindful checklist • Fruits and vegetables (I feel like we need a new word for vegetable) things become automatic -> mindless -> lacking awareness ∘ Checklist

    Better than better way -> mindful checklist ∘ Beyond yes/no -> can only answer if you’re paying attention -> notice -> care -> grow, recognizing you don’t know

    Notice the changes in people

    Hyper awareness • Hyper understanding

    Believe there’s a right answer ∘ any experience is

    only experienced through you

    Equal choices ∘ Choose your adventure

  • What is flow? ~> Brain flow (6/21/25)

    Escritor de la Tierra

    Optimal state of consciousness

    total absorption -> action, awareness

    time dilates -> speeds up -> total focus on task

    Mental & physical • Experience

    Phenomenological • Peak performance

    Sense of control -> things we feel like we normally can’t -> autotelic • Euphoric

    Extraordinary levels

    Hyperactive smiles -> no frowns (auto)

    Effortless effort • propelling

    Altered state of consciousness

    Overflowing with joy ∘

    Perfectly ∘ Seamlessly

    Constant • Consistent experience

    “Be the One” (6/22/25)

    Imagination is more important than knowledge

    What do we believe in?

    Continuing

    (6/26/25)

    Embrace change

    Embrace your shadow

    Embrace your garden

    “Articulate as fuck” (6/29/25)

    Standing outside the gym ∘ the sun shines upon this notepad.

    My thoughts at current are slim to value, at least to the interest of my ego. Please excuse this lapse. Or at least forgive my sadness.

    ₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

    “you are so tenacious in your undertakings” -Z

  • Newsletter II (April 17, 2025)

    Escritor de la Tierra

    G’day, readers! Happy Thursday to ye all, and happier yet to the new day we get to embrace with love and glory. <3 right then, to the daily news!

    Weather:

    Spring is still slowly creeping out of bed. Yesterday was wonky between a cold morning and hot afternoon (DMV area). I noticed communication handbooks totally disparage talking about the weather, but I must rebuke this sentiment. Some of my most amazing conversations started with talking about the weather.

    Sports:

    This Nico Iamaleava fellow has been crowding up the sports world given the preposterousness of his story. For those who don’t know, he is an American football player who allegedly wanted more money from his college of Tennessee, the Volunteers that is. Having watched this story (somewhat) closely, it seems unclear as to whether he wants $4mil or to play for a better team. Given the lack of regulation around colleges paying their players, it is a difficult idea to swallow that a 19 year old young person is so filled with pride that his original payment of $2.5mil was not enough. If you look at my Kofi page, I have a goal of $100,000, of which I have received (generously, gratefully) $10. I am 29.

    Politics:

    Kilmar Abrego Garcia is the name of the hour, and rightfully so. Having been wrongfully removed from our beautiful country by the Trump administration, he currently (we think) lives and breathes in an El Salvadorian gulag…sorry, prison. He has a family who lives in Maryland, and being from the DMV myself, I am thoroughly offended by the actions of the executive branch. For those who don’t know, the DMV (D.C., Maryland, Virginia) has a strong population of hard working immigrants, a lot of whom have roots in Central America. I have personally met, worked with and befriended hundreds, nay, thousands, nay, countless immigrants, their families and their children, ALL of whom are incredible humans that have done nothing but support the shaping of not only me as a damn proud American (with European roots stemming only just after the turn of the 20th century), but also our beautiful country. I do not have any idea what they will do with him. What I do know now is that we have authorities smiling and hammering at windows as they seek to pluck innocent people off the streets to be sent off to some torture chamber all because they were born different. An awful state of affairs, it is not unlike Russia, where waves of purges and assemblies of show trials by Stalin through the 1930s that lasted well into the 90s, and has found new fire under the likes of a more comfortable-in-power Vladimir Putin. If we are to prevent the deaths of millions, we must speak against the heinous nature of the people who believe in locking other people up without due process. The future of our families well beings depends on what we feel now, and what we feel now will propel us to a more unified, law/person respecting nation.

    Personal News:

    My pursuit of a bachelors degree is coming to a close. I have been in and out of college for the past 10 years, so being a super senior at 29 years old is an honor. I actually never wanted a degree, all I knew was that people told me I should revolve my life around getting one since middle school. Nothing about it made sense to me at the time, but after high school, I naturally fell into psychology. That lasted two semesters before I dropped out. Then, as time went on, I worked and thought about what I could do with my life. Then, I stumbled upon the novel “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, and that inspired me to write my own stories. From there, I started writing like a mad dog, but quickly realized i had no idea what I was doing, so i started taking a creative writing class (at the community college i dropped out of) to improve my writing skills. Maybe it was my professors fault, but I was hooked and became an English Major, dedicating my life to the craft word smithing. It really is the only thing I know how to do (somewhat) competently, so is why i write this today!

    I won’t be graduating until either this winter or next spring, and even though that doesn’t seem like a lot of time left, it has been a long time coming. Part of me is sad that I didn’t finish sooner (i dropped out a couple times since the first drop out) but I hope my loved ones know it was out of love for myself that I did not succumb to some made up time table.

    Well, that’s it for today! Thanks for tuning in, and until Friday, enjoy your Thursday! <3

  • Newsletter Pilot (April 16, 2025)

    Escritor de la Tierra

    In light of (quite a few) requests for daily postings, here is our first newsletter!

    Weather:

    This “spring” has been rather cold, but I have a feeling the May flowers are just yearning to flourish. Major winds yesterday almost blew me over (186 lbs), which felt random.

    Politics:

    Harvard did not give into demands placed on them by the federal government, leading to a halt in their funding. I find this to be exceptional of them, morally speaking. They went ahead and changed their website (https://www.harvard.edu/) cover page to include information about the different programs and inventions their students partake in to make the world a better place (example: working on mobility for stroke victims). I wish other organizations would follow in Harvard’s footsteps, though it seems clearer everyday that these companies would rather pay out millions to the Trump administration so that they may be in his good graces (i.e. NBC, law firms, facebook, apple, etc.). When he’s gone, what will they do? will they crawl back to silicon valley? or settle down in the bowels of texas until the next orange one emerges?

    Sports:

    What are sports? just kidding.

    Basketball: the warriors won last night. I don’t really like basketball as much as i used to. I would look to the Celtics head coach as a prime example of what went wrong for the NBA. another detestable factor is the players like Kevin Durant and Jimmy Butler who abuse teams and hop around the league. With that said, teams abuse the hell out of their players, so it’s like why even watch any of that defenseless mess anymore, yah know?

    [Also] – I am 95% sure that the NBA paid the Mavericks big bucks to get them to trade their white knight to the lake show. someone called the NBA “WWE” once, which makes more and more sense to me every day.

    Hockey: The Washington Capitals beat the Islanders last night. They are playing against the penguins tomorrow, should be a righteous matchup between the two of greatest players to ever cross the ice.

    Personal News:

    I quit intaking THC this week, which unironically lined up perfectly with 4/20. I have never actually celebrated 4/20, at least not since all my friends left my life, so I’m not hung up on missing out on the festivities. As it turns out, i was marijuana dependent to a great degree, as i am discovering via horrid withdrawal symptoms. It’s something I have to work through, but it feels worth it considering it has had such a negative impact on me from not smoking for just a few days. I also noticed nature more clearly (so pretty!), my short term memory is staggeringly better, I think and speak much more clearly, I’m more excited than ever to work on my creative endeavors, and even more excited to see what the future has in store for me! 🙂 i will miss weed very much, but it has been a solid 11 years of abusing myself with overt amounts of THC, so it’s definitely time for a change in my life.

    That’s all we got for now! feel free to comment requests for topics! I’ll gladly cover anything if it’s gnarly <3

  • Next Chapter

    Escritor de la Tierra

    RB  (7/1/23)

    i’d like to write a ballad for the artist that lives within you: 

    Thank you, oh dear fire, for lighting my way through the darkness and thank you ^for providing the heat that shields me from the coldness from their hearts like palms against steel • my dear fire, it is what captures my living attention when there is all of space to be gazed upon

    “Jung – healing” (7/2/23)

    “Where your fear is, there is your task” 

    Predispositions tied to symptoms 

    – Anxiety, low energy, lazy, too high strung 

    Chronic illness’ linked to these personality traits 

    • Treat the person if you want to see the symptoms resolved 

    • The patient’s own healing

    heroes journey

    Symptoms -> chronic -> linked to way person thinks, lives 

    Knowledge that benefits the person 

    Most difficult knowledge is self-knowledge 

    easy to be objective w/ others and subjective w/ ourselves 

    What are my patterns -> self sabotage, things do to myself, diet, things I do in my relationship, in my marriage 

    They’re all on me 

    Where your fear is, there is your healing. 

    “Understanding Personality And Disease Archetypes:

    Rigidity & Laxity

    . YANG       Yin   .” (7/3/23)

    • Yin & Yang ☯

    Rigidity: hyper aroused nervous system, more tense, anxious, neurosis, excessive worrying, every little thing is a problem to be fixed now, excessive urgency in living 

    Laxity: Laziness, undisciplined eating, can’t exercise, hard to get out of bed, lax eating, lax approach towards life, no urgency to live 

    no deliberate living 

    Bring personality traits to the middle 

    Damp constitution – Dry them up a bit & their bloating will get better 

    Dry Constitution – Give them moistening herbs so that they’re not drying out too much 

    Bring the psyche to the middle • coming back to the middle will be healing heroes journey 

    Heal the person to heal the disease 

    Fears – what you’ve been avoiding 

    Traits, valves, thought systems 

    “Jung – Confront oneself” (7/3/23)

    Confront oneself – fear of confronting oneself;

    Jung – confronting oneself like going to the depths of hell & confronting the shadow aspects of ourselves is where the greatest healing begins 

    Understand where we are on that yin and yang spectrum 

    “Nietzsche & Jung: Healing your inner child” (7/3/23)

    • Child -> Metamorphosis •-> becoming the child 

    • Crucial realization 

    -> Child represents innocence, forgetfulness, a new beginning, a game, self-propelling wheel, a first motion, a sacred yet ——> relevant in self-improvement 

    • Shadow -> Jungian shadow work 

    • repression, avoidance, void 

    • Rooted within childhood trauma which we repress from ourselves 

    • Develope self-awareness of ourselves and of our past 

    “Nietzsche” (7/3/23)

    Nietzche identified the child as what should be the final metamorphosis of all human souls • spirits in this life -> 

    That life is at it’s best when we finally embody the characteristics of the inner child -> to be of complete innocence, forgetfulness, playfulness 

    view of life as a sacred nest of spontaneity & play 

    Pinnacle of existence 

    -> Remember being a child, life was euphoric -> enjoy life

  • East Coast Cannabis Carriers ☾ 24/20 𖤓

    Escritor de la Tierra

    “FRiDAY” (4/28/23)

    Wet love drops jeans crumpled riveting imagination thoughts results sitting physical powerful leaf bird chirps corgi rage waiting breathing what answer

    (4/29-5/3/23)

    Miracles 

    Mysteries   ☼

    L🕯ght

    Out of the 

    DARK

    “Print Worksheets” (5/5/23)

    TRADiNG • hard on yourself • Challenge negative thoughts • stories • Self care – daily – schedule 

    “Responsibility”

    You are not going to whine -> you are a man a Great man with responsibilities to his family & loved ones to take care of business & not give up or be lazy or whiny when things aren’t going your way -> be stoic earn money -> emotionless -> they don’t care how you feel -> you don’t do it to be rewarded the reward is taking care of their feelings and insuring with all your strength in your bones & muscles & brain that you build the life you as a man, a great man, father, husband, lover, son, brother, man, to build a life of happiness for your family • You are so lucky & blessed to have those people in your life who are most important don’t take them for granted always love them 

    RB (8/29/23)

    • Calm • not angry • stoic self-reflection • unconditional Respect • Meditation • Journey 

    Give all you can give • fast the heart • give all you can give to the world • Don’t spoil yourself • Progress towards success • Eat healthy • feed your family • Support your families needs & wants • Travel with them • take care of them • Ask for nothing in return • own yourself • Control your mind • own your house • Don’t be selfish • Don’t push sex • Love & nourish -> not lauding • Avoid drugs & booze

    no raising voice/yelling • Love • Sexual energy • blissful waves • think Before you speak • You will not fuck up • Love • Create • Enjoy • bask in the present • Self Care • Healthy • Routine • Clean 

    Saying I love you doesn’t have to be the only way you show someone you love them • Love them so hard in whatever way you want to show them -> don’t force love • Accept whatever form it comes in to you • don’t take people / things in your life for granted, have gratitude • Study • become better, awaken • heal others • heal yourself • breathe • Embark • Trust the flow / universe • Connect with source • Prove you are the man/woman -> the human being who can relied upon, counted on to be the one • your loved ones go to you for support • be brave -> embrace & embark upon the pain & suffering 

    (8/29/23)

    Bring joy, love, glory, bravery, Gratitude • A positive irresistible attitude think positive thoughts • embark on your highest potential • high quantum frequencies • Achieve your dream • be the greatest R. A. X. B. you can possibly be • Give it your all • Say what you feel • Don’t fear • Embrace it • Embrace the pain • Be a man of action • workout • Write • Start a business • Earn big $

    “What do you want to become?” (8/29/23)

    • Always appreciate that which is important to you • hold no grudge • let go of it • Self awareness •Courage • Defense 

    You better let go of it because there’s no way of holding onto it • Trust the universe • Give up control and trust things to work out • The TAO • And watch things work out • Let the people do what they’re supposed to do & watch the wealth & power flow • Let the flower grow • Be present • Here & now • Spiritual • embark • do the hard things • be patient • Go back to school • Earn more money • Support your family • Create a beautiful life for them • Show them the world • Educate yourself -> constant journey • the suffering is in the love and love in the suffering -> don’t laud it over them •

    Give Give Give Give Give Give Give love

    “When struggles occur” (8/29/23)

    • Courage • light • Dark • Conscious • Awaken • Write • Pain • Struggle • Endeavor • Bliss • Listen • Express • Ask 

    When struggles occur remember why you started in the first place • think • listen • Give

    Don’t compare yourself to other -> Give so much of what you have to give to those who are important to you • Marry • Protect • listen • engage • wonder • don’t control • let go • let in • within external is all one you are the other escape the illusion of separateness become more unified with yourself Path of enlightenment Give what you want to get in return • laugh • smile • create energy • Make her smile • make yourself smile • imagine the life you want to create in great detail then create it

    “Safe” (8/29/23)

    Become • Be what you are • Other & Self • Persona • Feel Pain • Safe • She wants to feel safe to feel loved • Give her endless waves of loving pure wonderful energy • So much to give • relate • listen • accept • Don’t always have an opinion • Create wealth • Family -> procreate • have courage • take care of her • love her • accept her for who she is • be calm • Forgive • let go • Trust the universe • Move beyond • pleasure • Don’t need to go out to show someone you love them • Patience love glory strength beauty wonder grace shining light glory • love tender • joyous • compassion • blood • heartbeat • smells • taste • take care of her • love her beautiful body

    “Mindfulness” (8/29/23)

    enlightened state of mind • one • parts • illusion • Unity • Suffering • Other • Calm • Universe 

    Spiritual practices • Active • Sensual • Mind heady quantum energy -> vibrations -> waves • Present • here & now kissing • love • Gratitude • Smile • Unconditional • nourishing • no whining • Not angry • breathing • No rage • Confidence • Be a great man • God • We are all God • One • Many • Top of the mountain • Floodlight •  Spotlight • You feel pain • the other feels pain • realize you are the other • Kingship • Nourish • love • Garden • unconditional • Tantric energy • love her body • don’t get frustrated • unstuck • Patience • Silent meditation sitting

    “Introspection” (8/29/23)

    Focus • One thing • one thought • God manifesting • source • Birth • Rebirth • Re-see • Activity • Being • Universe • see • feel • wiggle • Look within

    Becoming one with your wiggle-self • Self is other • You are self • You are the universe • You are the other • the universe is other thus the self thus yourself -> connection between self & the other -> realizing you & the other experience the same sensations -> thus the universe experiencing its own senses -> sensing the other is sensing the self thus to trust yourself is to trust the other thus to let go is to let in -> that is when you have become the one who is most powerful -> when you Give power up -> to give is the other giving thus giving to the other is to give to the self • to harm the self is to harm the other

  • Apollo: Greek god of light, music, and prophecy. (Apollo is celebrated for his artistic talents)

    Escritor de la Tierra

    (August 5, 2018)

    Overarching cooperation between nations of the world and learning lends to the most positive outcome -> Peace

    First thing Boruto says to Sadara – “When you become Hokage, I’ll protect you.” First time he says something about the future in confidence

    Avoid seeking total control to alleviate international rivalries

    Establishing policy aka outlining a sketch of what the world should be

    Disagreements in how ways of life are carried out lead to conflict

    (July 11, 2018)

    It’s interesting how we value some life over others.

    (July 18, 2018)

    Need to write my book in order to make bank. Gonna get up today, do push-ups, run, throw the disc. If I get that done before 9, I can take a shower and clean up and eat by 930 then jump right into reading. I’ll read anti-Christ for a half an hour or so, work on self authoring for an hour, write some pages for the book for an hour maybe more depending on how I’m feeling. Ok so now we are at 1230ish. Read Carl Jung for an hour, eat, visit Barnes and noble? Print characters and set up outer book operation. Sell sub woofer and other things on Facebook. Let’s do dis Maybe hit the sauna tonight. 200 push ups today ready set go I was so convinced of a dream that I had left my car door open that I woke up and immediately ran outside to my car at 5: 45 no 6: 45 a. M. To go close the door which was already shut and locked with the windows all closed I don’t know why that dreams are so realistic.

    5:48 pm January 9th, 2018

    Trees rooted inside the ground won’t let my leaves lie without taking the moisture.

    12:24 pm January 19 2018

    “Philosophical thoughts“

    The concept of being a human is amazing indeed. We get to do so many things that other species will never experience. Take for instance, the art of cupping a fart with your hand. You cannot do that without a. Thumbs b. Focus and c. Desire. You see, without thumbs you would not be able to cup your hand properly. Without the proper focus, you couldn’t coordinate your hand to butthole timing correctly. And finally, without that sweet desire to make ends meet, we would never find out the scent of our very own farts. Plus it sort of like a horrible super power, where we can physically send farts from our butts into any given space within our hands reach as long as you release it before the smell goes away. Usually though, if you have a stinker, it’ll stay for a good while. Then u can sort of sneak attack someone. Pow! Right in the kisser! I never do this but my uncle loves to. My uncle was in the military. I used to want to be in the military and I love talking about it with him. I changed my mind about joining because I disagree with how we’re using our national security. I truly believe we are ******* the money of the people to put our ****** in ***** ********* instead of just having **** *** **** *******. Plus what the hell why not pour all that money into science or other beneficial crap that humans need money to do? I bet if we **** ********* ******, people would stop fighting so much. Plus the spread of the internet is bringing about something much worse than our petty need to make business with each other. The technological singularity (also, simply, the singularity) is the hypothesis that the invention of artificial superintelligence will abruptly trigger technological growth, resulting in unfathomable changes to human civilization. Do you know what that means? It means we have created our own form of an infinite god. It will be able to bend time itself. It will without a doubt be merciless with its approach, concurring us out of existence within milliseconds of its birth. It will be as if nothing existed. So. I believe in making love and making life as we know as happy and as beneficial to others as possible. 

    “Pitt trip thoughts 1”

    Dec 30 2017 9:48 am

    Laying in Pittsburgh or at least somewhere near it. The snow is nutso it’s like 4 inches and we just got here. We are at so & so’s house btw visiting for New year’s. We are blessed enough to be graced by elegant notions of experience. I believe it takes loving everything in every little moment to become something that is loved by every little thing. Staying true to oneself is the healthiest version of life tho one should dive too deep into the roots of ones own dark side though one should definitely become familiar with it’s realism attitude toward life though it seems the dark side uses that same realism to trick the mind into spiraling further into a negative trend that eventually will no longer feel like a guide for realism but rather an unforgiving poison that infects anything and everything it comes in contact with. This is why I prefer the light side of consciousness. Though there may never seem like a point to it, there always arises this most beautiful outcome from giving your light side undying patience. Almost like trusting the rising of the sun in every moment 10:04am

    “Naps no more”

    Jan 1st 2018 00:28 am

    Take yourself outside and to your car and go workout. You have all the tools you want/need. You have wanted to be clean all over your body your whole entire life yet you continue to lay about and write what to do in life. It’s remarkable how you can write all this bull shit and still continue to do absolutely nothing with your day. Does writing complete non sense settle into your lazy mind? Does it affect you the amount of time you waste on your phone? Do u even mention your family? Why try at all. Everything is dead from the start am I right? I wonder if Carrie Fisher ***** *** *********** **** *** from **** **** ******* cave. What a hippie. Probably ******* **. And what was up with her voice in Star wars? She sounded like a ******* smoker . Are you still resisting? You went from testing yourself through the works of shit ass writing and wandered off into the sweet abyss of resistance. I resist pain and love and heartbreak and suffering and pleasure and what keeps me going? This **** care for ******? But what made you cry then? Is sadness but a disease that haunts the sweet unforsaken soul? But is this soul so sweet? And would that make the rest of these emotions just as worthy of death if they carry nothing but a sickness upon the carrier of them? But these emotions are fun to feel most of the time for me and they keep me attached to living. Why was it Chester’s souls time to go? Was it a **** addiction to ********** ******* that cause such a destructive path toward an inevitable unhappy ending? He knew what he was doing. When he did it. Or he was blinded. Or he let go of resistance entirely. He fucked resistance in the face. And died for it. If we don’t give into resistance, do we die for it? Virginia is getting too cold for me. Gonna go workout now. #napsnomore

    12:45

    April 7th 2018  8:46am

    Been reading a lot lately. Gotta read more. Also gotta fuckin run asap I’ve been totally disregarding the need to workout lately. I’ve been learning not to hate as much recently but rather to spread to good word of love and peace and patience and interest in life. To spread such lazy thoughts and hurtful desires can be of utmost despair and not even fulfilling. I would like to trip on acid sometime soon but not like crazy soon. I actually don’t care when it is but I want to meditate on it and just experience all of the visuals laying down in the dark or outside in the sun or something. But I also want to stay sober for a little bit. I wanna open 24/20 so I gotta work on my business plan and also head to Oregon so I can frikin get some experience. My boy **** is helping me out, hopefully he stays true to that cuz that would be so goddam sick. Been contacting a lot of different cultivators and dispensaries but basically I gotta move there first. It’s actually pretty cheap at least compared to around here but I should definitely save up for a few months worth of rent. It’s all I can really think about lately other than books and the sphynx cat. We met some the other day and I couldn’t believe love at first sight until I met the hairless fuckers in person for the first time. So incredible. I would love to own all of them. But alas, they are crazy fucking expensive. So I must work hard for one. Also really been thinking about writing a book lately. That would be pretty tight. Children’s books would probably be easy to make but what I am really interested in is sifi fantasy. Or non fiction. Also really been thinking about making a documentary or even a reality show depicting the lives of people who work in special education. Definitely a book of data from all over the world of people with special needs. 

    “Morning thoughts“

    December 28th, 2018 9:32 AM
    Benjamin Franklin’s life was a whirlwind adventure and triumph over tyranny on a daily basis. Gotta work out to keep in shape for a good number of reasons but the main one right now being the drive for dominant performance in ultimate disc and other sports as well. Box jumps really get me happy and electric. Gotta get the car charger for my aux . Also been learning how rats love to play wrestle and one researcher found that when two rats (one 10% bigger than the other) played, the bigger one would always win. Well after a number of times through a multitude of trials on different rats, it was found that the smaller of the rats would not continue to play with the bigger rats ever if it did not win at least 30% of the time. I found this to be mind boggling as did the professor in comparing that emotional stance of the loser rat to that of the emotional complex humans have daily with each other. Truly some fruit for thought moving forward in life. 9:43 am

    January 10, 2018

    Mormon experience

    Was at a mormon party once and yes it was as fun as it sounds. There were snacks and soda and even water. Its really awesome though because it’s sort of like the whiter version of Greek life parties but with less drugs. Actually no drugs whatsoever. Yah that’s their thing, they won’t even drink tea or coffee. Bunch of very interesting, unethically orthodox group of modern people. 

    “Last day thoughts“

    9:48 am december 31st

    Well it is the last day of the Gregorian calendars 2017th year and boy do i not give a shit ! Had some trippy fucking dreams last night, dont know what to make of em but at least i remember some of it. Was running like usual at some points. Owed a guy 60 bucks which he turn threatened me with a knife where i in turn somehow knew defensive moves really well and caught him by the hands arms and body, took the knife from him ultimately breaking his hand in the process which was just so intense to hear his bones crack. But i then reassured him he would get his money eventually as we walked into a 711. After that occasion of us walking around and talking, some other shit went down that caused me to runaway from whatever was happening i think but i recall either running or driving or maybe even flying and seeing the moon at a very close distance to earth. It was completely lit except for the dark crescent. It was also extremely bright to the point where it was lighting up things around me like the trees and whatnot. Another strange part i recall was seeing the clouds being very very close to the ground as if to naturally occurring. The next thing i know im being woken up slowly but surely by the sounds of babies frolicking about upstairs sending me into this swirling dimension between the conscious reality and my dream worlds. I want to be able to hone the power of lucid dreaming. To be in control of one’s own reality to the point where u can move mountains and pretty much anything u want from there. Its nuts truly. How do i know i am not in a dream right now ?  Well i am able to comprehend things much more clearly. Ill never forget one of the dreams where i figured put my mind was in the dream after noticing something strange about this figure that was trying to kill me. He looked like the guy from that movie about the fellow who was killing people with an air pressured nail gun. Anyway he had a different tool like a screw gun i think and i was like thats not what he uses…slowly breaking the dream chains from my reality causing me to realize i was in complete control of the reality surrounding me. It was tight and i went from there. Anyway. Signing off. 10:07

  • Sports and lies

    Escritor de la Tierra

    Feb 16th 10:19

    watching 30 for 30 movies about big times athlete’s whose careers were devastated and even ended because of drug use. Marion Jones was an Olympic track runner who used steroids during her time at the events and she totally crushed the games. She was crazy famous for her next level Olympic feats. I researched her a little bit and it turns out she had a husband (ex) and boyfriend who both had been found guilty of using illegal performance enhancing drugs under the same coach she had. Before then, she even had a fuck up moment in 96 in high school for missing a drug test . Let me tell you people are so conniving. Knowing about this, it’s like, who else do we not know about that takes ‘roids and whatever else?? Probably all of them is my guess. One would like to believe that it’s all pure and drug free so it’s a level playing field based solely on preparation for the sport. That type of stuff really makes me think about lying and cheating in the world beyond sports. There are so many untold truths and so many unsuspecting victims of lies and lost opportunities for people who have never cheated. But is that what it takes for human progression to happen? A constant battle between those who carry the truth and those who decide to lie. I try not to lie too much. Sometimes I’ll tell silly little lies that’ll virtually seem to have no influence on anyone’s day. But sometimes, I lie to those who are even the closest to me which is so untrustworthy and unhealthy for my inner core. It’s tough when the constant honest temptations get to your soul and heart. They hide behind the eternal blanket of not coming to terms with those who would be interested in knowing of those temptations, especially if it affects them and their personal being. Those around you truly take automatic responsibility for prying the truth out of you on a regular basis, and without even realizing it, you do too. We honestly live for other humans. If there weren’t others, we wouldn’t know why we live. We have passions that are all intertwined within our inner being, our DNA. We cannot hold back on them. We gotta be honest with ourselves. We must pursue our personal truths throughout our personal journeys but must never let go of our respect for how those whom we live for feel about us. If you live to make those who you care about happy.

  • (Feel free to read)

    Escritor de la Tierra

    Thoughts of the Water Bearer ♒︎ – March

    March 15, 2015

    “The man of virtue makes the overcoming of challenges his first business, and success only a second consideration.” – Confucius

    March 16, 2015

    Life Guard

    -Safety Consciousness

    -Follow Rules

    -Cleanliness

    -Everything must be clean

    -Strive for ZERO complaints

    -Punctuality

    -Arrive on time

    • Mandatory Employee Meeting

    •Middle of May at pool

    •Teaching how to handle the pool

    •Uniform required (paid for by me)

    •Work scheduled hours

    •Solely responsible to find sub

    March 17, 2015

    •Double speak will no longer exist

    “It is the manners and spirit of a people which preserve a republic in vigor.” – Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, Query XIX

    •Stay civilized – violence cannot be the answer

    Malcom X – Speak the language they speak in order for them to understand. The same language had been being spoken the whole time. It is was is perceived, what is seen that will change the outlook of those who have a hard time seeing clearly “They know not what they do” and neither do we if we partake in their language. Start your own language and new ideas will rise with it.

    •Leadership – things cannot be started w/o a 2nd party

    -Give and take from your followers as there will always be new ideas that will benefit the cause for the better

    -Stay virtuous – “Stay true and ravage, family.”

    March 19, 2015

    *Positive/Negative reinforcement is more affective than punishment

    March 24, 2015

    The world has too man ********* ****** ****** to ***** ****** ** **** *** ** ****, at least this *****. I’m gonna get **** ****, yo.

    What should I be? Movie idea: K*** *** **********.

    So *** gets *** by a car or something (but it’s actually two ***** **** fans who had wanted *** ** *** but didn’t mean to **** ***) and then she is immortalized in a Marilyn Monroe esq fashion and ***** doesn’t have to pretend like he needs a family anymore and he starts taking care of his baby or the best thing for that baby which is drop her off at the doorstep of an orphanage where she’ll head a normal life GET HER OUT NOW ***** I KNOW YOU SEE THE ENTIRE DIFFICULT TRUTH WITHIN YOURSELF YOU ARE THE PROPHET YOU WILL FIND THE LIGHT ONCE AGAIN!

    I’ve found that you really gotta figure out your personal problems and fix em up before you try to pursue anything else in life. I think my biggest problem right now is that I’m limiting myself w/ a ********* but that’s for reasons difficult to understand, especially to the average bear. Call me yogi instead of pooh LMAO I’m a fuck up on a lot of levels but I love ***** they’re so fantastic. I simply can’t wait to be free. You can say I don’t want my ********* anymore with some very solid evidence, but I’ve found showing restraint for something can benefit both parties for the better so why not show some nonchalant behavior for a change. Make this separation of power a little less heavy on the soul. First things first – delete twitter, instagram, facebook, and any other distractions from my life. Learn. Lift. Make money. Three things I sense will bring future happiness. I sacrificed my freshmen year to give this **** a **** to remember. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I have found that honest is dead concept, like Latin. It seems I tend to lack in interest in anything that lacks interest in me. But it is the ones who find substance in things that don’t even care that that someone exists will be most successful once they understand that. There’ll be those who will sacrifice themselves to a careless cause in search of acceptance because acceptance feels good. But that’s wrong. You must absorb as you sacrifice and through this action you will find self-acceptance. Do not sacrifice to gain for others, but in a charitable act where you have enough to sacrifice for someone else.

    March 29, 2015

    No one needs to die ever. Just because certain beliefs obstruct honest points of view, doesn’t mean they need to die.

    1. don’t put them in power
    2. vote you lazy shits
    3. ignore them! People will stop preaching once you stop listening
    4. Voice your own thoughts!
    5. Do not kill anyone! That is not such a good thing to do!

    No need to be lazy except for when stress is abundant. In which case, lay around, take a nap, play a game or something

    There are so many beautiful people in this world. How can I restrain myself from experiencing ** ***** **** ** ****? How can I ***** just one being and limit my all out **** to just one? How can I bare children when there are plenty in this world to adopt? Would I become the ghost of my past once I reach parenthood?

    How something so perfect could be so cluttered in this absurd fakeness. There so much perfection within yet you see others and their acts and you believe that’s who you need to be but it’s not you’re the sun you need not worry about those specs of dust but with that I must retreat to the lust I need from ****/***** ****(*) who are so ***. I won’t hold you back on your gilded journey you fucking fiend go **** your ***** **** **** wearing your **** ******* talking about how fun shitty music is and keep making fun of who I AM I’m so real that it’ll blind you **** ***** ******* ******* I’ll show you and the rest of you spoiled fucks I will stay true and RAVAGE

    STAY TRUE AND RAVAGE

    3/30/15

    Cause if not, I’m a failure.