
• Moments of kindness Rejected
Pity craved • WARRiOR • GoD
• Pain • Townsquare • Treasure • Gesturing • Sarcasm • Realism • Annoyance • Family Suicide • Chip off the old block • Thanks for coming MONEY • Diamond pinky rings • FAt MAN • Clues • Senior Vice President at an investment firm • So much exploration
“November” (11/2/21)i
You only go through this moment once -> give those people appreciation genuine flattery from the heart • What does your heart tell you to do?
Elegant pondering
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, But nothing can be changed until it is FACED” – James Baldwin
4 billion years ago -> life 𖦹
CRUDE copies of themselves • Natural selection -> 1st coherently described by Charles Darwin, is an instrument of such enormous POWER, that from such modest beginnings, there can emerge all the richness & beauty of the biological WORLD • CARL SAGAN
Molecules based on carbon • Amino Acids • Molecules • From? Complex organic molecules
“•Soul•” (11/2/21)
Improvise, Adapt, overcome Work -> My work -> intellectual Copyright
∘))—> Ugly when you get into the money of it
Get Rich & Rock the ⦅WORLD⦆ SOURCE of MUSiC
Rosebud ∘ The Greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t EXiSt.
Two types of people, those w/ loaded guns and those who dig Ask yourself one question, do I feel lucky? Well do yah punk?
“Robin Williams”
All those moments will be lost in time, like teardrops in the rain GOOD MORNING Vietnam I love the smell of napalm in the morning
I feel the need the need for Speed ∘ Roads ? Where we’re going ; we don’t need roads ∘ We don’t have no barges, I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ BARGES
You make me want to be a better man ∘ Nobody puts the baby in the corner I wish I knew how to quit you Love means never having to say you’re sorry
“Autumn” (11/2/21)
Here’s looking at you, kid ∘ I’ve always depended on the kindness . . . of strangers ∘ Ready for my closeup ∘ Would you be shocked if I put on something more comfortable ∘ You know how to whistle, don’t you? You just put your lips together and BLoW ∘ I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way ∘ You’re trying to seduce me ∘ As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster ∘ Say hello to my lil friend
“Godfather” (11/2/21)
I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse ∘ keep your friends close but your enemies closer ∘ BATMAN ∘ SPARTACUS ∘ James Bond ∘ The power of CHrist compels you ∘ It’s Alive ∘ You never know what you’re gonna get ∘ Life moves pretty fast, you don’t stop to look around every once in a while, you could miss it ∘ Get busy living, or get busy dying
“Fortitude ⬡” (11/2/21)
If you build it, he will come ∘ That’ll do pig ∘ What we got here, is failure to communicate ∘ you talkin’ to me? ∘ You can’t fight in here, this is the war ∘ ∘∘~
Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. ∘ Show me the money ∘ The snozzberries taste like snozzberries ∘ Alright alright alright ∘ I’ll be back ∘ It wasn’t the airplanes, it was beauty who killed the beast
“Rocketship ⚛” (11/2/21)
I could have been a contender ∘ fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride ∘ I’m as mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this ANYMORE ∘ ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ∘ Get AWAY from her you bitch ∘ Get to the Chopper ∘ YOU CAN’T HANDLE the TRuth ∘ To infinity & Beyond! ∘ Made it MA! Top of the WORLD! I DiD it! ∘ There’s no crying in baseball
“November” (11/2/21)ii
Just what do you think you’re doing here? ∘ What’s in the box? ∘ Elementary, my dear Watson ∘ Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn ∘ But why male models? ∘ Why so serious? ∘ I am serious, and don’t call ∘ Well, nobody’s perfect ∘ Go ahead, make my day. ∘ There’s no place like home ∘ Hasta la vista, baby ∘ we’re gonna need a bigger BOAT
“November” (11/2/21)iii
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. ∘ Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain’t heard nothing yet ∘ It’s showtime folks ∘ It’s showtime ∘ Welcome to Jurassic Park ∘ Welcome to the Real World ∘ I have a feeling we’re not in KS ∘ They call me Mr. Tibbs ∘ There can only be one ∘ Two men enter, one man leaves ∘ Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? ∘ Do you like scary movies? Is it safe?
“November” (11/2/21)iv
Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? ∘ We rob banks. ∘ Round up the usual suspects ∘ What have you been going through emotionally? ∘ Leave the gun, take the cannoli ∘ This is MY BOOMStick ∘ I aim to misbehave. ∘ Dead or Alive you’re coming with me ∘ I ain’t got no time to Bleed ∘ WHat I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career ∘ If they move, kill them
“November” (11/2/21)v
I’m too old for this shit ∘ It’s not the years on it, it’s the mileage ∘ When you grow up, your heart Dies. ∘ I was BoRN a poor black child ∘ You’re going out a youngster, but you’re coming back a star ∘ I am big, it’s the pictures that got small ∘ I’m kind of a big deal ∘ Good to be king ∘ with GREAT POWER COMES GREAT Responsibility ∘ What we do in life echoes in eternity
“November” (11/2/21)vi
Well, it’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the life in your men ∘ Life finds a way ∘ I am not an ∘ In the Name of God, do your duty ∘ Do or do not, there is no try ∘ The stuff that dreams are made of ∘ You want the moon? ∘ Jerry don’t ∘ Let’s ask for the moon, we the stars. ∘ You had me at hello ∘ Really, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship
“November” (11/2/21) vii
Remember, Remember, the fifth of November ∘ They’re coming to get you Barbara ∘ Be afraid ∘ The horror, the horror ∘ We all go a little mad sometimes ∘ Fill your hand you son of a bitch ∘ God damn you all to hell ∘ You’re tearing me Apart ∘ English MF Do you speak it? GEt OFF MY LAWN ∘ You’re out of ORDER! ∘ My PRECIOUS ∘ STELLA! ∘ Snap out of it.
“November” (11/2/21)viii
Yeah, well yah know, that’s just like, your opinion man ∘ A martini is shaken not stirred ∘ Coffees for closers only ∘ Am I gorgeous? ∘ Somebody stop me! ∘ Alrighty then ∘ It’s in the hole! ∘ As if! ∘ Forget about it ∘ GREAT SCOTT ∘ YOU BETCHA ∘ GROOVY ∘ INCONCEIVABLE ∘ Plastics ∘ REDRUM / Murder! Murder!
“November” (11/2/21)ix
Lah di dah, lah di dah ∘ Shall we play a game? ∘ Do you want to play a game? ∘ Shut up and deal ∘ May the force be with ya’ ∘ Jesus H. Christ ∘ We’re on a mission from God. ∘ We came, we saw, we kicked its ASS
“November” (11.2.21)x
Voice • body • nourish • dazzle ∘ Clothes ∘ magical • supernatural • Astonish • Gold • Borrow from all the arts • hearts & souls • Conscious • Goddess • Evoke Venus, the goddess of Love • Extensive, elaborate • Clusters of Gold • Gold embroidered • Exquisite figure • magnificent Jewel
“November” (11/2/21)xi
No words can convey her • Ensemble • harmonious Admiration • Buzz • Key🗝DAZZLE✧ harmonious • Attention • changed • LARGER THAN Life • FANTASY • spell • Distract • hint • screaming it • Reveal • imagination // ARMS • Bare
“November~” (11/2/21)xii
Movement • demeanor • graceful • suggestive • floating • Obsessed • tremulous • Manner • nonchalant aura • relaxed • obvious • languorous air (characterized by tiredness or inactivity, especially of a pleasurable kind • characterized by an oppressive stillness)
“November” (11/2/21)xiii
time • world • love • Pleasure •v• Your gestures • ambiguity • innocence • misunderstood • Permeating • Song is liquid and attractive • The unattainable • The seas beckon you wave back
“November” (11/2/21)xiv
Delightful • love • power of words • weakness • Master Language • longing • Adaptable • Wit • Charm • Particular • Strong effect • Play • Toy • Kiss • Bold • Eyes • Hands • Safe • Quick
“November” (11/2/21)xv
Nothing can stop him • his story is irresistible • Set their hearts ablaze • intense look, a clear indication he was something new and exciting sending her drab life into the flames of fury • desires uncontrolled • Agree • BoLD • He proposed to her • act or attitude of loose morals • Who don’t know Right from Wrong? • Lacking legal or moral restraints • Behavior, revelers lived for challenges • Publicized loud as fuck
“November” (11/2/21)xvi
Deuce • Creep • Predator • Novel • Demonic talker • apologies lost, no backing down now • threesome • Remarkable remake • Supernatural Secrets • Uncontrollable urges • Exhausting efforts • worthy wait • Glowing gorgeous • vulnerable victims • can’t control • intense inspiration • distracting desire • Potent Power
“November” (11/2/21)xvii
The key • do not hesitate • ABANDON RESTRAINT AND IMMERSE YOURSELF • go • relinquishing control • fundamental submission/weakness • worries/mistrust/charm // thinking about the aftermath • Not worrying • resistance • obstacles • catalyze • engulfed in the moment • CREATE OBSTACLES / RESISTANCE in LIEU OF NATURAL OCCURRENCE • YOU CANNOT BATTLE W/O FIRST SHARPENING YOUR SWORD
“November” (11/3/21)i
Nietzsche – suggests that the “Slave revolt in morality” begins when resentment becomes a creative force. In allowing resentment & hatred to grow in him, in having to rely on patience, secrets, and scheming, the man of ressentiment ultimately becomes cleverer than the noble man.
Monster in my thought too hideous to be shown.
Iago the SNAKE 𓆙
Need to see into the soul; see the thoughts we cannot
You would not understand my soul if my heart was in your hands
Godlike view of the soul
“November” (11/3/21)ii
• Extreme • Impudent [not showing due respect] sarcastic • nail/lip biting • Cares not for what you think • Paradox; Extreme; Supreme; Enhance; Conservative Culture – Shine & be appreciated • Fresh air • Provider • Essence • Go farther than anyone else is willing to • I DON THE DUKE OF EARL
“November” (11/3/21)iii
Great • do not offer • meh pleasantries • allowed in society • reach into the inner external -> the repression awaiting your arrival & repose • Liberate your mind • Uncover the forbidden/dangerous/evil
“Today I escaped from ANXiety. Or NO, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions – not outside” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀
-Marcus Aurelius
History of love floating around your head ; young genius so full of good memories
Forget me not when looking back on them with that dreamy third eye
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Hopefully they
like it!
(12/28/25)
I was quite creative on both of these days ∘ I’m surprised I haven’t written in this fucking thing since then. Life smells really good sometimes, for no immediately apparent reason, so all we can do is sit back and enjoy the odor with a hesitant composure as to what may be true about the occurrence.
More to go! (12/28/25)
I like to write words because they are very pretty & I can make them very kind & powerful at the same time no matter what that’s what’s so interesting about words for me I guess is their innate ability to impose within anyone certain feelings and understandings of which they themselves expound upon in their most minute mannerisms, so clever are the ways in which they hide their thoughts, yet we can still feel them so clearly as if to be reaching out physically through mere uncanny telepathy via pattern recognition
Writing your goals (12/28/25)
I have so much more to write, wish I’d take more time to do so. I wonder if writing actually improves my life. I used to accept just feeling different meant that all of this was worth it, but my moneys are still low; Would writing … well, let me try and we’ll see:
My goal is to finish
Get more touchdowns
Absorb those vibrations of triumphant victory from a God so loving ∘ Emanate from your soul those vibrations of winning ∘ You are a winner
Win with all your might ∘ feel those obstacles and overcome them with that strength blessed upon you by God
The Universe is full of those lights that send to you energy so full of strength that you pull off feats of immense GLORY ∘ Find meaning within yourself and realize your miraculous, loving ability to be unstoppable
What is it to write like a madman? What does it mean to have righteous handwriting? What if you wrote a whole book – series of books…by hand。°‧⋆˚࿔ you were once less touched by education
Activate that piece of your soul
Bring forth into reality that inner BEASTMONSTER96 you righteous divine angel of God mighty with glorious strength that supports that eternal frame of bones that stay sturdy through the most difficult of reckoning ∘ Feel your divine patterns bringing out your inner billionaire – that which holds the most power in any & every circumstances
Pander not to the weakness of yesterdays failures; instead, rise & be that beautiful being you’ve always been
Be so gorgeous & mighty as you continue your path to glory
An everlasting mark on the minds & hearts & history books for many civilizations to come ∘ Outlasting those sands of dripping time ∘ into infinity does your action light it’s fiery rays of shining magnitude to fill the constant void of desire that yearns for your divine release upon the world so weary from a lacking soul so beautiful as yours
Keep bright & stay strong through those righteous pains of growth and I promise you will find victory
Creating that bond which is most loving & courageous with a loving righteous spirit so bright & splendid & so full of joy & light and deep seeking forgiveness • That feeling which is felt & loved by all who encounter such a righteous goodness – a deep well of merciful loving power so full of divine glory wrapped up within your kind, patient, powerful, fast, tender, gentle, supreme, loving, fascinating body, mind, spirit & soul ∘ your brain is full of the most fiery & sexual vibes that entice & convince & bring peace & love & kindness to the air wherever you go
I remember when I lost my mind, there was something so pleasant about that place • My heroes had the heart to put their lives out on a limb • And all I remember is thinking I wanna be like them
I didn’t like having to explain to them, so I just shut-up, smoked a cigarette, and looked at the sea.
But he, that dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose. – Anne Bronte
In the dark times – Will there also be singing? Yes – there will also be singing about the dark times
I am out with lanterns looking for myself
to the dance
to dance together
for the sake of our love
When we go together
Everything starts to feel so right
Like a flower in sunshine so bright
I keep showing up; they can’t stop me!
your hair and physical features are so beautifully perfect and wonderful and attractive ∘ Shining face • Glowing resolution
Glorious articulation • righteous intellectualism • Most good and on time • Perfect mind, body, loving spirit, soul of Earth carrying forth the best efforts in endeavoring and accomplishing your goals and ultimately everlasting life for you and your loved ones & peace for your wonderful world. In your heart, carry your very best loving energies; become so charming & clever w/ your thoughts
Lead yourself to great success no matter what it takes • you are the ultimate being of righteous, glorious action of which carries your body, mind and soul into your most powerful being – that which you envision yourself becoming
Your golden magnetic aura shines and brings joy and love to the world so full of forgiveness as we hold hands into the loving arms of infinity, working hard to continue our great quest for bringing forth and continuing the great story of life with peace ∘ With goodness abound within the intertwining of our heart, soul, mind, body and spirit ∘ Becoming our Greatest versions of which the angels love with loyalty
Glory flowing through your very being ✧ Ultra warrior of divinity • Lovely righteous wonder
The entity of magical resolution
you are that which is beautiful
your blessed vibrations bring the most joyful feelings to the spaces around you • Colorful heart and loving soul • Blood of love
What are your most righteous ponderings? I do quite enjoy showing my writings online
You are so cool and joyful and make people so happy to be alive and want to be alive! Positive love and thoughts flowings like God’s greatest most successful angels ∘ loving beautiful glory ∘ Angels • God Heaven sent ∘ Reality maintaining victory seeking • Belief and love in yourself to become that which you envision your life becoming
Say those most wonderful loving things in your mind so glorious and full of wonderful thoughts ∘ Carry your beautiful body forward and leave the world in awe at your magnificence • Silence of the minds finds new noises that flitter about your darkness • Will we find solace in the depth: of difficulty? What does your soul tell you to do with your body and mind? The frequencies vibrate through you • Bring forth these mighty shocks of God and EARN righteous victory • Being of glorious loving righteous powerful unstoppable invincible divinity • Love, Robert ♡
The fires of victory burn bright as glory is captured & held with loving gratitude
(9/13/25)
In being better, may we take back control of our hearts & minds as we recapture lost souls. May these words bring you a sense of fresh air that we may breathe in together in peaceful solitude.✧
Beautiful words reminding us of the importance of rest. They hunger for your release – the animal pent up in a cage
Restless as the light of stars.⛧
So full of glory, it overwhelms
Take in the blessings of the Lord
God almighty & spread about peace and goodness as you endeavor for great success in your quest to fulfill true meaning & understand of the self, a journey worth more than any dollar amount could ever reflect ∘ With divine muscles & a positive upfront confident go getter attitude, you can accomplish anything ∘ your mind is so powerful as you direct your body through those difficult times, strengthening your resolve & heightening your sense of spirit, making you that much closer to divinity in beauty, righteousness & love forever
Righteous soul pondering the grand magnitude of those finite resources
Continued reverence for the sun as photons carry forth living energy so divine as to blind the mortal from realizing it’s most dangerous depths ∘ Holy inspiring bringer of life cultivate untouchable glory to be sought & aspired after yet replication would mean eventual replacement, so may I for now absorb it’s holy rays of generous loving beauty as it’s cellular matrix brings my own life righteous color & fulfillment • May I in turn spread love & joy among those I’m blessed enough to come into contact with throughout the days
Loving beautiful righteous gratitude flowing as your powerfully magnetic body, mind & spirit bring you great bounties of wealth & success in your effort filled endeavors fulfilling your greatest dreams so that your most powerful desires come true & you become the healthiest, most powerful being you can ∘ Rising with the love of a righteous, peaceful king, your gratitude reigns as a top notch standards for your beautiful kingdom much like the kingdom of your royal body ∘ Immense success flows to you easily ❖
We’re excited to have you here; fired up.
Beautiful righteous loving spirit
Journeying soul heart filled joy
Wandering relaxingly into success
The divine waves of victory flow to
& from you easily ∘ interesting
articulation unique to your shining
soul so full of fantastic love &
beauty from above ∘ The heavens
radiate through you
Be for real about it
CREATE
Righteous greatness flowing through your muscles & bloodstream to create and emanate divine source so that we may bring such awesome & glorious vibrations that are most golden as they fly past the collective entity •
Your powerful body, powerful mind & powerful spirit bring out the best from within yourself onto the world as you heal the world’s harmed soul in pursuit of loving and bringing life as success is achieved & accomplished through righteous effort that outweighs the lazy demons and defeats them with your righteous, gnarly, flaming sword from God’s great heaven, spreading divinity •
feel yourself into immense victory as success flows from you & to you • Earned with the effort exerted propped by muscles fed by the divine blood flow of your warrior spirit that maintains glorious harmony
• Powerful body ∘ Powerful mind • Powerful spirit ∘
Engage with your heart & discover momentum toward wealth & righteous wellbeing bound into the healthy confines of your beautiful body as you bring forth to the world a value so intense, it cleanses the collective spirit of evil & enlightens that which is good & most good for life & love
you can prove anything can happen by the sheer will of your glorious fortitude • Peaceful Resolution within your realization & subsequent loving of the divine gifts blessed upon your wonderful soul by the giving source of the charitable universe • Gratitude flowing through your being • Righteous glory shining from your powerful body
May your glorious tale reign supreme in the wake of the collective liquification of our individual battling’s where our strengths mesh to create the golden aura of powerful, loving, divine souls of glorious harmony that sings through the sharing of vibrations so bright with the light from the depths of your inner star which emerges with certain calm
and magical are your lips
that kiss my yearning skin
so softly
as to treat them with with a tender kindness so sweet
as to fill my being with the radiance of one million butterflies wings
flapping their colorful magic
within the depths
of your righteous heart.
I wrote the date before writing anything on the page • I should write more.
here we are on this glorious Wednesday manifesting immense amounts of love, success, energy & wealth • you are so righteous • your muscles are so strong and powerful • you have a righteously powerful mind, body & spirit with waves of colorful light emitting from your eyes and fingertips so bright. Continue on your path of righteous excellence as you achieve your goals & manifest your dreams into reality with courage so great that the challenges before you tremble in cowardice as they cannot bear to withstand your ultimate strength powered by the divinity of God in heaven with love
Get such huge beautiful strong divine muscles • you’re so jacked & ripped with blood flowing with loving glory ∘ Money flows to you with love like a magnet ∘ you are immensely wealthy & sexy & doubtless in your positive endeavor to create the greatest vibrations that lead to your winning every game & championship • you are wealthy & victorious & articulate in the way you exemplify your swagger • your preparation is unmatched • you are an unstoppable beast master glorious golden king of diamonds with the power of the sun & righteous spirit that spreads the greatest joy & attracts the most wealth & wonderful beauty
Starry eyed creature, look back to me so dearly, tender do you harken my loving wave of cherishment ∘ lovely pie so sweet, cherry, apple, lime, complete •
Create with songs of goodness & bring happiness & joy wherever you carry yourself as you attract immense success & wealth to yourself, a powerful spiritual magnet for the manifestation of dreams ∘
Cut through blockages like a sword so divine & sharp as it penetrates the opposing force in holy rite • Clouds of appreciative rain fill the air with a quiet solitude for the lovely to bask in with fervor with their lovely eyes
My eyes are a lovely shade (8/19/25)
of grey, yet they often appear to be quite blue. I believe exercise keeps my body, mind & spirit in tip top shape as I carry my righteous, loving, star filled being through the infinite radiance of life, spreading that which is most good & attractive: love, wealth & further goodness as I achieve immense success & exemplify monumental glory ∘
The story of an absolute legend beast whose being glows with golden aura that redefines value systems • A literal Market Maker, you shift reality & subsequent understanding with your beautiful words & actions that enlighten the loving world as she yearns for more of yourself from you for her ♡
Confidence flows through you ∘ you walk with strong stature • you are power • you are ultimately articulate • Wealth & success flows from the universe into your divine soul giving your body holy power that carries you into your dreams & vision into a life of abundant wealth, love, joy, happiness, glory, life, success • You are God like in your speech and confidence & you are so ultimate with your behavior as you have total control over your emotions & actions ∘ you are so physically attractive & irresistible as you’re a magnet for beautiful vibrations, good health & billions of dollars
Super righteous being with ultimate strength coursing through my body blessed with God’s glorious light that fills my soul with divine love of which I carry into the vast array of life where I share & spread goodness as it returned back to me, improving & enlightening me so that I take the righteous path and succeed in my dreamy endeavors to become an ultra rich, extremely healthy, well balanced individual
love & Glory
Intense, righteous success as power wealth glory love light redemption & magic flow to & from you with an amazing ease as you smile and give forth life to the world ∘ Increasing your net worth exponentially & becoming stronger in your muscle growth & powerful in your control of mind, body & spirit ∘ Becoming a righteous angel warrior of God • The glory of victory is attained by your powerful hands, held to your heart that pushes blood of Gods through your beautiful, magnificent body that acts as a vessel for the flowing divine goodness that bless it with eternally wonderful health & beauty with love & glory
to the belly of a God
tis not for the faint of heart
At least won’t you reconcile your
soul with me, for but a
moment, if be there a moment
of yours to spare for a poor
old chap as myself?
(7/3/25)
Traveling through a garden together; I’ve never felt so at peace – here, it feels like home • like being gathered ’round fireplace on some winter’s eve, and stories are being told, whether aloud or to yourself, and the moment is held with serene acknowledgement • forever at peace in this moment of everlasting life
A wonderful day to feel inspired by the ones we love in our daily reckonings. May ye grow not tired of yeself, young wanderer, and may ye mind grow fruits aplenty • and share ye fruit with the growing hands of the world so ye harvest may carry forth nourishment unto the well being thus bringing health to the collective source and thus yeself.
•
Collapse into thine self & feel the glorious support of life perpetuating your soul with graceful love & care.
The Ancient Legend⤴
The meaning ➡ intention vs. reception
Guess what the writer took it to mean
Modern historical consciousness
Different understanding of the universe/world
Cosmos • Universal • Structure • Arise
Support for studies • Learn something
╰⤵
in the grip of that powerful emotion
• snuffed out for good
Sign of civilization
mobilize
Courage and integrity
Must do something ∘ What do you want to be? Be your boss • listen to your own commands ∘ Be your own kingdom
you are your own monarchy
Capability ∘ Leadership ∘ Bend to your own will ∘ Who is still next to you? If you’re the person of worth you want, your reign will rule strong
Focusing on what should be done in this moment ∘ Value ∘ invoke glory • Thank the sun for it’s beautiful rays of light ✧ Glorious, glittering shine • Divinity • Glory
A chance to bring about everlasting life
What work can we get done now? Are we prepared to undertake action?
What can we do to prepare for what needs to get done – to defend our lives against the evils of lies
Fulfilling your obligations (4/8/25)
Strengthen yourself • glory from our ancestors, from God & the Universe
Effectiveness of your work ethic ∘ Well intentioned man ∘ What is the price we pay for procrastination? ~> a wasted life
Become instead your own boss of whom carries expectations of you to fulfill the assignments that need to get done in order to keep the business afloat & in turn managing to maintain some sort of semblance of what it means to be human ∘
Righteous loving glorious
beautiful divine waves of love
coursing thanks to you & me
9:15AM (4/8/25)
He woke up again
Hell yeah • Here’s the day, again.
“I need it” he tells himself “to feel the glory, again”
He looks around at the empty room he built for himself.
Such a small castle; and he gets out of bed to look out the window, forgetting to rush into assignment and thinking only of the word, again.
Household Codes (4/8/25)
May we carry our home in peace & harmony ♡
♡
All my life I want . . .
. . . Respect my mind。
(4/9/25)
4:47AM ∘ Dark, cold, writing this outside under lamp light
Weighing in (4/9/25)
at around 181 lbs, at least, two weeks ago [LOL]
(4/10/25)
Taste of the divine
(4/11/25)
∘ Become super famous & loved globally for infinite positive/good reasons ∘ Spread joy & peaceful loving vibes • Build • Grow • Evolve
Learn • understanding • Becoming
Beginning • Strength • Beauty
•
Phonogachi
•
Admission in self-betterment
Cooperative • Compromise • Balance
How are you going to interpret that? (4/11/25)
We demand he is brought back as soon as possible • Resonate • tuning fork
Treatment of people – how do you treat people? What are the consequences of your decisions? Possible to continue to live •
Reflection – who are we as a country?
Inhabitant • Citizen • Successful
It won’t be too long • Deserve • Ability
How should you be treated?
Ability to decide • Consistent
We need more tunes (4/12/25)
Please keep making music ♡
I ♡ singing & dancing 𖨆♫♪
Show up in person
give care • best case scenario
Thanks for having me ∘ Real people
Anecdotal
What gives you hope? (4/13/25)
The kids. The children give me hope; they’re playful and they’re energetic and they’re surviving •
I believe that the
human spirit is
incredible & the Spirit
of children is more than
any of us have as
adults。
Criteria ∘
(4/6/25)
What is your response? ∘ Basically ∘
Can you speak on that?
Data points • Administer
Peaceful administration • Brand new
Independent authority
Lawful ∘ People ∘ Deserve ∘ Country
House • Admit it • Wrongful • Return
Imagine 𖦏 putting yourself on better
footing ∘ World diplomacy ∘ What we’re dealing with here is human beings
The sun will come out…tomorrow!
Prerogative ∘ Deferential • Procedural
Brief • Purposes • Review • Essence
Urgency • Compliance • Seventh •
Argue our case • File • Ruling
Tuning in now -> what happens?
Intentionally (4/6/25)
Fingerprints • cause • closer every day
Confinement ∘ willfully • Predict the future
Put your dollar bet on the line
Power Grab ∘ Flex • veins • muscles
Brains • Responsible ∘ Grab up more power
What happens next? Motion ∘ Days •
Time • Expecting ∘ No later ∘
Next minute -> midnight • failed
Next morning • onwards • Thank you
for tuning in.
Extremely happy (4/6/25)
Attention -> paying attention to the good things ∘-> small positive/good things
(4/7/25)
Happy 4-7!
Success is upon us
May our hands be righteous in our continuance of graceful glory ✧
✧
Righteousity
in our hearts
minds
souls
eyes
is wonder
within
wonder
What do you like to write about? hm? Say it then
“Be me or fight me” – You
What do you put in your mouth?
Damn life hurts
Legendary thinking ∘
Anytime, Anyway, Anyhow
Making your force field
Stronger
When will you be Satisfied? (5/15/25)
I’m not sure what satisfaction means
Center

Chester
(5/16/25)
What can you (we) do to maintain calm & peace?
You are so fucking tired of losing -> how about doing some fucking winning then mother fucker. Can you? You can figure out what to do to get these dubs ∘ Winning only ∘ Victory over everything 𖤍
Victory
What can we do to be
Victorious 𖤍
Fortunate (5/13/25)
I make my own luck 🍀
EFFORT
Control your destiny
Nobody can judge your effort
It’s raining. You gonna let that stop you?
…
Fuck no.
Fools party; kings celebrate
Show up & be your best
Believe in it (5/13/25)
Success is all you ∘ intention
Effort ∘ Work ∘ Dominate
Make the decision to choose who you are
Greatness in the mirror
Closer to Greatness • Willing to
be the outlier • the weird one
Stand out ∘ When they don’t
understand you, you’re doing it
right. Trying to get it.
Purpose.
I don’t need to jerk off.
Positive production
Victory ∘ Champion mentality
Righteous actions
Will love be there? (5/13/25)
Can you love endlessly? Without garnering hurt for yourself or others? What can we do to make life
Workin’ on the roads (5/14/25)
again ∘ ∘ ∘ Own your time
Escape the matrix ∘ Make
lots of money ✧
What does victory taste like
What does winning feel like
What can you do to win?
What do you have within
Positive Righteous Glory (5/14/25)
Training
Hope ∘ Belief • ^Your Vision will come true
Robert (5/10/25)
is the name of the New Pope. I don’t have any expectations. I just hope he can stop the ▇▇ of kids by our Catholic Priests.
♱
What can we do? Change the narrative
Korea (5/11/25)
I want to learn Korean & Arabic
Every puzzle’s
constructed differently
– Kobe

You love to play chess, so why not play more? Let not the downfalls of your heroes be the backlash of a spirit you hold so close to your heart & being. May you succeed in many moves ahead of you; even now in your brain do the pieces move in favor of your great victory. Feel them. Be part of their glory as they work with you to capture the hearts of your opponents. Forget not to shake their hands upon completion of the mission in gratitude for their suffering at your hand & team.
Writing to improve (5/5/25)
my soul ∘ my heart ∘ my mind
& body & spirit so that healing
& betterment may exponentialize
Money, so much (5/6/25)
What can you do to earn $10,000,000,000.00? Focus on your duties, make good decisions, learn that saying no to certain things that don’t work with you to improve your life

A Prayer (5/7/25)
I thought about writing so instead of doing the thing I was about to do (still going to do that) I wrote this real quick ꨄ︎
(5/9/25)
SiGNificance
Bring forth joy ♡ & freedom
(6/17/25)
What are difficult things that you could do? Would it be difficult to write as much as possible? Cut out the noise ∘ Mindset • Carrying your weight • resist the resistance against yourself
UNBORNAGAINST

“Magic happens there” (6/17/25)
Bring magic into life
To feel solid, that is to feel top notch
Worthwhile endeavors • Bored dreaming
Experience the best ideas & stimulate
Write them down lest they fleet
Inspiration thus value of the moment
Shifted language ∘~,
Weighted walking
Skeletal & muscular system
Activity that goes outside
Fill the gaps in your workouts
Gathering your glory
What weight do you carry?
Get some weight & carry it
Doesn’t have to be too complicated
Write the first 20 paragraphs
to get to that 1 sentence
“Smell of Weed in the air” (6/17/25)
on this wet, sunny day -> a tuesday in june with birds singing & colors blooming • let’s get these congratulations
Hi baby!

“Today” (3/17/25)
the other day I probably said the worst things I’ve ever said to her. I’m trying to not be negative or mean & positivity feels fake so I just want to relay facts at this point. I’m not happy with being disrespected in our relationship. In fact I am certain she doesn’t respect me, although she has been nice. Hope she has a good, long & happy life because I do not know if we are together anymore.
“Lifechanging” (3/27/25)
yale • Harvard • Ivy • College student • Libraries • Studying • Success • Academia • Freedoms • Growth • Learning • Development • Truth & Freedom • Strategy • Private profit • Daring • Voyages • Frighten the authorities • Fiery Battle • Treachery • Piracy • Ceased • Transforms crime into politics
“Super Righteous” (3/28/25)
What can I do to reach divine being within myself so that my physicality may become Godlike in structure & mind & depth ~> love • heart & soul
What do you change from them?
Zarephath • Drenched
Hometown Boy
Mood changes
Righteous times
Righteous measures
Righteous body
Serving my people
“Simple Kindness” (3/28/25)
Calm care • Salvation of love
How did Paul die? Decapitation by Romans
Tell us that story
Journeys • Rented rooms
First he heals them
“Begin Again” (3/30/25)
We are exhausted • What is scarlet?
.
.
Flickering light
their city
feels natural to have you here
“Power & Control” (3/31/25)
Power to not get upset with your loved ones ∘ Control over your actions ∘~> what is in my control is my limbs & my facial expressions & my thoughts ∘-> it is sometimes difficult to control my thoughts -> that is to say I’m not quite sure which ones might pop up within my brain at any given point in time. How much power do you have over the things within your control? I think I have more power over the things within my control than I act. Imagine if you act so kind & patient while getting so smart & strong and believing in yourself & that you are so beautiful & attractive & loved
“Exit West [Book analysis]” (3/31/25)
The novel establishes borders insofar as describing the locations of certain activities. Beyond that, the novel breaks down the idea of borders by leaving places (including their city of residence) unnamed and untitled. This is a curious choice by Hamid, as it brings forth a sense of mystification, leaving the reader to fill and/or appreciate such gaps. It also brings to mind the idea of an egoless war, defying the importance placed upon nationalism.
-> internal borders
-> Nadia vs. Saeed’s personal boundaries
“Mindful vs. Mindless” (3/31/25)
Mindful = having fun -> act of noticing
VS.
mindlessness -> focus is mindless
ـــــــــــــــــــــــﮩ٨ـ
enhanced, charismatic
listen more carefully (2/4/25)
am wanting to be so much kinder & patient and loving to lady
Is never wanting to lose my cool and only hold her so close all the time and be so kind and gentle and patient and loving and hold her so close in my heart even when she is not here and tell her through my soul that I love her with every drop of blood that my heart churns into my body that is hers forever.
Thank God she was there
I’ll be writing all the time and you’ll be getting the checks…
I won’t forget
Everything takes time
Learning (Never fail her again) (2/4/25)
Pray again!
Never fail her again
“And he was giving everything back, as everything must be given back, so that, passing through death, it can live forever.”
4:44pm (2/9/25)
I know how special this place is and I know how special a person I can be and I’m just happy to be a part of it ∘
turns 67
Redefine with new tools
the Ultimate test ∘ Crystal ball
∘ Faster Start ∘ Stay Healthy
∘ Good & talented
They’ll talk about this
FOREVER
Every single step -> everything you got ∘ For the person beside you
Won (2/9/25)
Debate ∘ Greatness ∘ What is GREATNESS? What does a GREAT [you] look & act like? ∘-> Embody your GREATEST SELF ∘ Put in the work every single year ∘ Continually winning. We know who we are ∘ We embrace who we are ∘ We Come together and take on the mission. Hard fought battle ∘ Earn Respect ∘ Give Respect
Honesty & Natural Style (2/10/25)
Zen – to stop thinking, temporarily -> even when you think
(2/11/25)
∘ impiety 𓃊 a perceived lack of respect for something considered sacred. -> sacrilege -> large belief system disrespected -> exile
Anaxagoras – introduced the concept of “Nous” (cosmic mind) as an ordering force -> Panspermia -> life exists throughout the universe and could be distributed everywhere -> also speculated that the sun might be just another star
Gentle (2/12/25)
Kindness is what I’d like to embody nowadays ♡
Head Writer
To the peanut gallery, where your
attention is my life’s purpose. My sarcasm
may Run deep at times, but please know, when
I am sarcastic, it’s genuine.
“Wife or a Man?…so confused”
“…text to a friend.”
Out of time …
so let’s begin!
…most horrifying for the
Reader…

interpreting it as
imagine ∘solidified•
Focus on one thing (1/28/25)
• De-escalation ∘ Communication
• Just listen ∘-> listen to what they have
to say ∘-> Understand them, not dominate
them ∘ Look for common ground
Find commonality
You’re always buying time
Key -> making sure they feel heard
GOAL is PEACE
With life & Growth
Win – Win
Genuine intuition
& Creativity
Super intelligent intellectuals
Frankenstein Syndrome (1/28/25)
New corner of ∘ ∘ ∘ rooted in
modern science • Natural forces
Reason • ∘ Sensation • ∘ Passions • ∘ Brain
Literacy • ∘ Cunning • ∘ Super intelligence
Control • ∘ What’s in your control? Be
careful to know.
<-• literary cure ∘->
Do you have a copy
Strong number one
this whole thing
the dumbest argument you’ve
ever heard…
Enjoying the company
Monetize it…we don’t need to
monetize, we can do it cuz we’re
friends!
Great gentleness
bright face
Patient kindness -> Grand scheme of
things
Environment ∘ Strength demanding skills
High level skills ➙ not stressful
Very powerful; Proper training/learning/living
just drew a bloody bit
HEY GUYS! This is my sharpie
A GUST of Wind Whistled
Wildly without repose
Electricity • vibes • ∴
@ 10:50pm –
I wish that we will stop hurting
each other. May we spread good love
and good life with each other
SO that our future presents are
full of success we work so persistently
towards in the midst of our current
presence. Keep going, keep loving ღ
Brought about some stars
To share with the likes of eyes
That would stare upon me
With hearts so full of loving being
That serves me new bundles of hope
Being a human
Sitting on a chair
Drinking a coffee
And making a point
To be more important in some respect
To garner better respect
In our passing by of certain time
Making value of those precious
Seconds
A second thought forgot to cross your path
Mindful of your forgetfulness
Remembering that you forgot
Memories fading in and out
Dragons flying around
Breathing fire and smoke
Looking dastardly
As if they’re going to eat you up
So you grab your sword
Ready for battle
Or you take leave with speed
As much speed as possible
Either way will be a fastidious affair
Another Nightmare • Retreat
Move forward • Buckin’ it • Calm
Respire ∘ Music • Somber • Wake to
the stench of death & aching moans
Pale reckoning ∘ Cold days of hell
Worried faces ∘ Struck by tragedy
Wild loss of friends & loved ones
Where did love go? Why has it
left this place? Will we feel
our loved one’s warm embrace ever
again? The thunder continues ∘
It had been several months before the virus spread that I had last seen my grandma. She had a growing case of dementia and was in the throes of reliving her childhood. She didn’t recognize me at all; I think she thought I was some cute boy from another neighborhood. She even acted jealous when I was giving my six year old second cousin attention and wheeled her scooter over to me to get in on the eye contact.
Long before her mental decline, I never really had a good relationship with her, even though she went out of her way to buy my siblings, cousins and me gifts. My mom and aunts always complained about how poorly she treated them during their childhood, and so it was confusing to see her so happy and cheerful as my mom rolled her around Walmart.
“You like this one?” She’d ask with glee as I fawned over a transforming spaceship.
“No, Ma! That’s way too expensive! He can’t…” My mom started.
“Oh, bashaw! He likes it, he can have it!” She insisted.
I think she was trying to make up for leading such a mean life. She even donated extra to her church, talked to the likes of countless strangers (even gave them money that she didn’t have) and would tell people stories about her life, mostly stories about how much her daughters mistreated her. It was a surprising sight to witness given my mom and aunt were taking care of her in her more feeble years.
Both of her parents had died when she was young, and I wonder if that had anything to do with the misery my mom went on about. I saw it firsthand when I was really young, when she could still walk. She and my grandfather had led unhealthy lives, him smoking whole packs of cigarettes at the family’s dining room table, her downing every piece of sugar she could get her hands on. Type 2 diabetes plagued them in their old age, and other ailments followed them like crows to corn.
“Oh, would you be quiet and sit still!” I overheard her yelling at no one from the dining room while my sister and I were playing in the adjacent living room. It must’ve been in regards to us, but I think her and my grandfather were too exhausted in their old age to make a more formal approach.
I remember her telling me about the Yankees, and so it was no surprise that in her childish reminisens that she’d go on about Mickey Mantle and their glory days.
“Did you go to Yankee games when you were young, Grandma?” I asked her one day in a car ride for one of her regular hospital visits.
“Oh, yes, but we mainly saw the news in the paper. That Mickey Mantle was something else,” she said before gazing in my direction, “he was an ambidextrous batter, you know?!”
Looking back on it, I think she thought I looked like him, or at least reminded her of him with my protruded forehead, blonde hair and cheeky smile. That, or she just thought he was handsome and that I should try out for baseball. Whatever the reason, it’s probably my favorite memory of her.
She had already been in hospice when the virus hit her, and it didn’t take long before it took her life. I didn’t feel much of anything in the wake of her death. It was as if all of my mom’s and aunt’s memories had become part of me, so I just felt numb to it all. There was also something disingenuous about her kindness. She would usually greet us with smiles and excitement, but as visits went on, her frown became the staying notion and not much was talked about beyond regrets and complaints about past mistakes and unfortunate circumstances.
“Ma, dad never said that, that just…” My mom would start.
“Oh, caw, come on,” my Grandma spat, “you don’t know what you’re talking about,” as she’d roll her eyes.
I wonder if the virus had been painful for her, if she had even known about the ‘new plague’ in her state of unbeing. The darkness that had come over her mind was enough to shroud the memory of even her daughters and son from present sight, so what was one more ailment to her? I like to think that she barely felt infected by the time the care center had called my mom to tell us she had tested positive.
“Mom’s got the virus,” My mom told my dad after getting off the phone.
“Oh, no…” My dad replied, setting aside whatever work he was busy with, “that might just do it…”
“Hm…” was all my mom could muster. Her and my aunt were the only two out of five that took care of her as she needed more and more support. I think by then, she was just tired and depressed from taking care of someone with a fleeting memory that barked complaints and orders about pain and medication.
I started to think if I could have done more; not about her health but as a better grandson. I wondered if I could have visited her more when her mind was still all there, asked her about life growing up, maybe uncover dark secrets that’d explain the looming unhappiness that afflicted our family. Mostly though, I never questioned it. I felt as if she didn’t deserve such effort from me, even as I got old enough to drive and be able to visit her more often. This sort of bothered me, but it never motivated me enough to change my thinking. I thought “since she treated my mom like shit, why would I treat her any differently?”
One night, years after she had died and the virus had been suppressed to a passing conversation, I asked my mom about my Grandma’s final moments.
“So how long had she had it before she died from the virus?”
“Oh, she didn’t die from the virus. It was phenomenological. It even killed her doctor, that’s what got the ball rolling on them locking down their facilities.” She replied, to my astonishment.
“What? I thought you said she caught it right at the beginning and that’s why…”
“Well, she did catch it, but then she tested negative and lived a few weeks after that. I must not have told you, yeah the employees were all shocked.”
I stood there in shock as she explained how her body somehow killed off the virus and she had continued on.
“Wait, then, what happened? Did she just die from old age, her dementia?”
“Hm, maybe. I firmly believe she died from depression.”
“Depression?” I knew my Grandma was sad, but she didn’t come across as someone who was medically depressed enough to die from it.
“Yeah, because no one could visit her at that time. Everyone was still on edge about the virality of it, whether it was airborne and so forth. With no one around, she must have lost something more in the midst of losing her mind. As if nobody cared about her. I knew other old people who died because of that. Your great grandmother on your grandpa’s side died a month after your great grandfather because she missed him so much, oh you knew that…”
I was beside myself. All those years of telling people she had died from the virus, and she had gotten it, but I had no idea she got over it. Then the heavy really hit harder. What if I had visited more? What if I had gone to her with gifts that she would have enjoyed, like how I enjoyed the transforming spaceship she had gotten for me at the reluctance of my mother? What if I had shown her that I did love her, even with all of the vitriol that was cast between her and her children, and subsequently me? Would she have lived longer? Would she not have fallen so privy to her dementia? Whatever the case, something about her beating the virus, a feat not even the healthiest victims could achieve, in the paroxysm of her mind decaying, made me feel proud to be her grandson.
My blood type is A- and I think that reflects the type of person I am. For instance, I get A-’s in classes where the professors know that I am exemplifying my intellect, but I am not putting forth that extraness they know that I am capable of. This is to the chagrin of my greatest mentors. I wish I could fulfill a redemptive un-shaming of my ego, yet I continue on this character given it is within my blood. I think if I cared more about things, then I would be A+ which I do not even think I can accept that blood. What am I even trying to say? Well, I think it’s interesting because I feel I have been given the choice between two very simple options, A or minus, of which are inseparable, united into one by my own being, thus giving me the power to show the world which one I need more. Alas, the inseparability of the two has proven a solemn task, one I daren’t take lightly as I carry this funny little character of mine. As I contemplate between being lazy as fuck and working out, I end up just staring while some distraction blares over cheaper speakers than those I see on our wonderful streams. The pushing out of that which is internal and wants to bring forth angelic reckoning to whatever extent is beautifully mine, yet I sour it with unknown feelings that wish to wash away happiness towards my own self. This anti-bargaining is self defeating, yet I carry my blood not unlike Jesus dared(?) to carry a cross for all to question into eternity.
RB (7/1/23)
i’d like to write a ballad for the artist that lives within you:
Thank you, oh dear fire, for lighting my way through the darkness and thank you ^for providing the heat that shields me from the coldness from their hearts like palms against steel • my dear fire, it is what captures my living attention when there is all of space to be gazed upon
“Jung – healing” (7/2/23)
“Where your fear is, there is your task”
Predispositions tied to symptoms
– Anxiety, low energy, lazy, too high strung
Chronic illness’ linked to these personality traits
• Treat the person if you want to see the symptoms resolved
• The patient’s own healing
heroes journey
Symptoms -> chronic -> linked to way person thinks, lives
Knowledge that benefits the person
Most difficult knowledge is self-knowledge
easy to be objective w/ others and subjective w/ ourselves
What are my patterns -> self sabotage, things do to myself, diet, things I do in my relationship, in my marriage
They’re all on me
Where your fear is, there is your healing.
“Understanding Personality And Disease Archetypes:
Rigidity & Laxity
. YANG Yin .” (7/3/23)
• Yin & Yang ☯
Rigidity: hyper aroused nervous system, more tense, anxious, neurosis, excessive worrying, every little thing is a problem to be fixed now, excessive urgency in living
Laxity: Laziness, undisciplined eating, can’t exercise, hard to get out of bed, lax eating, lax approach towards life, no urgency to live
no deliberate living
Bring personality traits to the middle
Damp constitution – Dry them up a bit & their bloating will get better
Dry Constitution – Give them moistening herbs so that they’re not drying out too much
Bring the psyche to the middle • coming back to the middle will be healing heroes journey
Heal the person to heal the disease
Fears – what you’ve been avoiding
Traits, valves, thought systems
“Jung – Confront oneself” (7/3/23)
Confront oneself – fear of confronting oneself;
Jung – confronting oneself like going to the depths of hell & confronting the shadow aspects of ourselves is where the greatest healing begins
Understand where we are on that yin and yang spectrum
“Nietzsche & Jung: Healing your inner child” (7/3/23)
• Child -> Metamorphosis •-> becoming the child
-> Child represents innocence, forgetfulness, a new beginning, a game, self-propelling wheel, a first motion, a sacred yet ——> relevant in self-improvement
• Shadow -> Jungian shadow work
• Rooted within childhood trauma which we repress from ourselves
• Develope self-awareness of ourselves and of our past
“Nietzsche” (7/3/23)
Nietzche identified the child as what should be the final metamorphosis of all human souls • spirits in this life ->
That life is at it’s best when we finally embody the characteristics of the inner child -> to be of complete innocence, forgetfulness, playfulness
view of life as a sacred nest of spontaneity & play
Pinnacle of existence
-> Remember being a child, life was euphoric -> enjoy life
RB (5/13/24)
Courage & Self awareness
Personal Empowerment
Detachment ∘ Flow with life’s
changes & challenges
Harmony, Bliss, Peace, Joy, Clarity
FREEDOM ∘ Meaningful connection
Authentic • True self ∘ Personal journey
Accept people as they are without
trying to change them
Actively listen, offer support
Empathy, compassion -> unconditional
Support • Celebrate their success
Unconditional love – forgive
Recognize humanity -> learn from
Mistakes -> let go of emotional
burden ∘ LaLa LaLaLola
RB (5/13/24)
We hold these truth to be self-evident
God I love May ∘ Let’s do our best to make the ideas of May absolutely spectacular. God bless us all, & thank God for such blessings!
RB (5/14/24)
I do wish for peace between these warring nations. May they find reconciliation sooner than later, for all of this death is rather sad. To all of the people out there who have the dance within them, dance young love, dance and with such dancing, maybe peace shall arise. I love you guys. We can do this so let’s fucking do this. Without support, our structure would collapse. Do your part. Bring Glory to your name. Make your visions come true
RB “The Writings of Robert” (5/17/24)
I want to try & write more with less words which from what I can tell, in case of making in substantial, will likely have to put decent thought into the writing.
RB (5/18/24)
⟡Be a good person. Be the
Best Person✧
(♡ヮ♡)(¬ ͜ ͡¬)(≧ᗜ≦)
RB (5/21/24)
Place your hand on my beating heart
People fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it’s all part of a plan
Hoping that you’ll understand
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your hand on my beating heart
Robert
The Stranger – Albert Camus (7/26/24)
Part 1: •Narrator has a strange voice, can’t recall if they said his name but basically his mom died and he comes across as mostly nonchalant & somewhat annoyed by everyone who was involved in her life as they proceed with the funeral. Very short/abrupt sentences
• Spurt type of dialogue. I definitely enjoy it so far though I’m not sure why • Maybe it’s because I appreciate Camus’ writing style [i.e. the short sentences]
“Days go by” (4/25/23)
been crazy since then
Crazy dreams, can really only remember the end, I think B99 was a big part of the dreams but there was a lot
“Handling human Problems” (8/21/23)
Crumble the righteous outward
inward humanity beneath & above
Leave earth the skies clouds welcome
me as gatekeepers to the stars
an exponential growing & return to
what life is was and will
limitations vs. balance
Regulation • relationships
flow with nature
Conception of
intention & Action simultaneously
Free from karma w/o announcement
“Share ∘~> What else <~∘” (4/29/23)
Support •-> Anger -> emotions
text therapist when control ceases
Bible verse • Patience
Who is on Earth vs. who is not
insta can be poisonous
Alone together
Regrets -> Redeem -> forgive
Understand -> self reflection
“Consequences of understanding” (8/21/23)
Shows you intelligence rather than effort – Cleverness instead of muscle
Perception / ability to sense
Relationship
Simply live now
No place for using effort
things just do what they do
Great relief Just this moment
Play with the connections
Move them ∘ Present moment
Enormous fun ∘ Playing all kinds of continuities
Mountains are mountains
Waters are waters
“When negative happens” (5/1/23)
thinking about what you’re grateful for
think about what you love about the people who are important to you
think positive thoughts
Write ; go for a walk
take a breather
Remind yourself of your goals
Overcome with bravery, strength, courage
Beauty • Love • Divinity
GOALS
therapy is nice
“Ideas” (5/1/23)
Philosophy videos
Books
Jobs
Poems
Essays
Don’t give up
No energy drinks
“Smoke” (5/2/23)
People love to smoke ~ I think it’s because of the curves -> they remind them of the curves in their lives, whether that be the curves of their loved ones, or the curves of the windy roads, of the trees, the clouds (especially) or the curves in their minds
“Watery Ways” (8/21/23)
Waters are waters
Wisdom of the ridiculous
the beginning of philosophy
is wonder
Thinking
idea / image of ourselves
Days & nights
ink on the page
Something out of nothing
Shows -> Entertainment
December
“December ✶ ₊˚A New Month ∘” (12/1/21)i

We are such things that dreams are made on
• Be free, and fare thou well
– Please you, draw near.
“December 𖠰 ” (12/1/21)ii
• infinite game
• Should you feel bad for people
• Prospero (∘)˚√.√・-݁₊~.˖>. ⊹ . ݁ ݁Magic
• Lazarus • Jesus • Zeus
• Enɵch(∘)˚√.√・-݁₊~.˖> The book
of Enoch
• Read the Bible 🅞√√-~>⋮ Watch later list
• What is magic to you? Do you still believe in magic?
• Whore’s -> do they perpetuate a way of life or are they victims of a beggard pattern that is indicative of Men’s desires? They benefit from the money and they don’t stop doing it. They even do it today in the form of pictures and videos. But men to blame •
“December” (12/2/21)i
Material Goals
Human Accomplishment
ideas
This too shall pass
• information: the most valuable commodity
Imagination is everything
Spontaneity
• Self-actualization
• Creativity
• Hard Working
• Finished Product
• Showing you care
“Rules” (12/2/21)ii
Without Rules, we are quick to lose grasp of our dreams and chain ourselves to deliberate short term gratification • Ingrained set of internal edict plays out in situated fashion to prove their necessity → understandable • veritable • Hard work through plight in colloquial proceedings
• Pugnacious propensity —> Consecrated
Does this pen still have ink?
“December”
Control
• Wake up at consistent time
• Eat protein rich food [jan. 2025 update: currently eating after 11 am. daily]
Righteous Posture
of the Victorious
and blessed : 1
2
Support your being
in its growth toward
the experienced
Chaos • within the throes of existence • unknown – ununderstood
“Back is the way forward” – T. S. Elliot
Back as awake beings
Exercising extremely good decision making
“December” (12/6/21)i
• Be a #1 person ˚🜲˚
• Warm day today -> reached 69˚
“December” (12/7/21)
“It is unrealistic to expect people to see you as you see yourself.” – Epictetus
Dreamer : Can’t quite recall but I remember exploring or something of the sort
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength”
“•Immortality•” (12/8/21)
Wu Wei is the art of sailing rather than the art of rowing – Alan Watts
All the waters contain the moon.
Someone with absolutely no flaws would cease to manifest.
Be a rascal
Be a Monster༚
Be deeply genuine
Attract what you want
What you aim at determines
what you see.
Robert
ORACLE of FATE
I Miss my love very much
if you ever read this, I love you so much lady!
you are the hottest, most
perfect, most beautiful

being in all of the entire universe
& I love you
lady. Is going to be so much
kinder if you ever give me another
Chance~>
to love you
so much
“FRiDAY” (4/28/23)
Wet love drops jeans crumpled riveting imagination thoughts results sitting physical powerful leaf bird chirps corgi rage waiting breathing what answer
(4/29-5/3/23)
Miracles
Mysteries ☼
L🕯ght
Out of the
DARK
“Print Worksheets” (5/5/23)
TRADiNG • hard on yourself • Challenge negative thoughts • stories • Self care – daily – schedule
“Responsibility”
You are not going to whine -> you are a man a Great man with responsibilities to his family & loved ones to take care of business & not give up or be lazy or whiny when things aren’t going your way -> be stoic earn money -> emotionless -> they don’t care how you feel -> you don’t do it to be rewarded the reward is taking care of their feelings and insuring with all your strength in your bones & muscles & brain that you build the life you as a man, a great man, father, husband, lover, son, brother, man, to build a life of happiness for your family • You are so lucky & blessed to have those people in your life who are most important don’t take them for granted always love them
RB (8/29/23)
• Calm • not angry • stoic self-reflection • unconditional Respect • Meditation • Journey
Give all you can give • fast the heart • give all you can give to the world • Don’t spoil yourself • Progress towards success • Eat healthy • feed your family • Support your families needs & wants • Travel with them • take care of them • Ask for nothing in return • own yourself • Control your mind • own your house • Don’t be selfish • Don’t push sex • Love & nourish -> not lauding • Avoid drugs & booze
no raising voice/yelling • Love • Sexual energy • blissful waves • think Before you speak • You will not fuck up • Love • Create • Enjoy • bask in the present • Self Care • Healthy • Routine • Clean
Saying I love you doesn’t have to be the only way you show someone you love them • Love them so hard in whatever way you want to show them -> don’t force love • Accept whatever form it comes in to you • don’t take people / things in your life for granted, have gratitude • Study • become better, awaken • heal others • heal yourself • breathe • Embark • Trust the flow / universe • Connect with source • Prove you are the man/woman -> the human being who can relied upon, counted on to be the one • your loved ones go to you for support • be brave -> embrace & embark upon the pain & suffering
(8/29/23)
Bring joy, love, glory, bravery, Gratitude • A positive irresistible attitude think positive thoughts • embark on your highest potential • high quantum frequencies • Achieve your dream • be the greatest R. A. X. B. you can possibly be • Give it your all • Say what you feel • Don’t fear • Embrace it • Embrace the pain • Be a man of action • workout • Write • Start a business • Earn big $
“What do you want to become?” (8/29/23)
• Always appreciate that which is important to you • hold no grudge • let go of it • Self awareness •Courage • Defense
You better let go of it because there’s no way of holding onto it • Trust the universe • Give up control and trust things to work out • The TAO • And watch things work out • Let the people do what they’re supposed to do & watch the wealth & power flow • Let the flower grow • Be present • Here & now • Spiritual • embark • do the hard things • be patient • Go back to school • Earn more money • Support your family • Create a beautiful life for them • Show them the world • Educate yourself -> constant journey • the suffering is in the love and love in the suffering -> don’t laud it over them •
Give Give Give Give Give Give Give love
“When struggles occur” (8/29/23)
• Courage • light • Dark • Conscious • Awaken • Write • Pain • Struggle • Endeavor • Bliss • Listen • Express • Ask
When struggles occur remember why you started in the first place • think • listen • Give
Don’t compare yourself to other -> Give so much of what you have to give to those who are important to you • Marry • Protect • listen • engage • wonder • don’t control • let go • let in • within external is all one you are the other escape the illusion of separateness become more unified with yourself Path of enlightenment Give what you want to get in return • laugh • smile • create energy • Make her smile • make yourself smile • imagine the life you want to create in great detail then create it
“Safe” (8/29/23)
Become • Be what you are • Other & Self • Persona • Feel Pain • Safe • She wants to feel safe to feel loved • Give her endless waves of loving pure wonderful energy • So much to give • relate • listen • accept • Don’t always have an opinion • Create wealth • Family -> procreate • have courage • take care of her • love her • accept her for who she is • be calm • Forgive • let go • Trust the universe • Move beyond • pleasure • Don’t need to go out to show someone you love them • Patience love glory strength beauty wonder grace shining light glory • love tender • joyous • compassion • blood • heartbeat • smells • taste • take care of her • love her beautiful body
“Mindfulness” (8/29/23)
enlightened state of mind • one • parts • illusion • Unity • Suffering • Other • Calm • Universe
Spiritual practices • Active • Sensual • Mind heady quantum energy -> vibrations -> waves • Present • here & now kissing • love • Gratitude • Smile • Unconditional • nourishing • no whining • Not angry • breathing • No rage • Confidence • Be a great man • God • We are all God • One • Many • Top of the mountain • Floodlight • Spotlight • You feel pain • the other feels pain • realize you are the other • Kingship • Nourish • love • Garden • unconditional • Tantric energy • love her body • don’t get frustrated • unstuck • Patience • Silent meditation sitting
“Introspection” (8/29/23)
Focus • One thing • one thought • God manifesting • source • Birth • Rebirth • Re-see • Activity • Being • Universe • see • feel • wiggle • Look within
Becoming one with your wiggle-self • Self is other • You are self • You are the universe • You are the other • the universe is other thus the self thus yourself -> connection between self & the other -> realizing you & the other experience the same sensations -> thus the universe experiencing its own senses -> sensing the other is sensing the self thus to trust yourself is to trust the other thus to let go is to let in -> that is when you have become the one who is most powerful -> when you Give power up -> to give is the other giving thus giving to the other is to give to the self • to harm the self is to harm the other
(August 5, 2018)
Overarching cooperation between nations of the world and learning lends to the most positive outcome -> Peace
First thing Boruto says to Sadara – “When you become Hokage, I’ll protect you.” First time he says something about the future in confidence
Avoid seeking total control to alleviate international rivalries
Establishing policy aka outlining a sketch of what the world should be
Disagreements in how ways of life are carried out lead to conflict
(July 11, 2018)
It’s interesting how we value some life over others.
(July 18, 2018)
Need to write my book in order to make bank. Gonna get up today, do push-ups, run, throw the disc. If I get that done before 9, I can take a shower and clean up and eat by 930 then jump right into reading. I’ll read anti-Christ for a half an hour or so, work on self authoring for an hour, write some pages for the book for an hour maybe more depending on how I’m feeling. Ok so now we are at 1230ish. Read Carl Jung for an hour, eat, visit Barnes and noble? Print characters and set up outer book operation. Sell sub woofer and other things on Facebook. Let’s do dis Maybe hit the sauna tonight. 200 push ups today ready set go I was so convinced of a dream that I had left my car door open that I woke up and immediately ran outside to my car at 5: 45 no 6: 45 a. M. To go close the door which was already shut and locked with the windows all closed I don’t know why that dreams are so realistic.
5:48 pm January 9th, 2018
Trees rooted inside the ground won’t let my leaves lie without taking the moisture.
12:24 pm January 19 2018
“Philosophical thoughts“
The concept of being a human is amazing indeed. We get to do so many things that other species will never experience. Take for instance, the art of cupping a fart with your hand. You cannot do that without a. Thumbs b. Focus and c. Desire. You see, without thumbs you would not be able to cup your hand properly. Without the proper focus, you couldn’t coordinate your hand to butthole timing correctly. And finally, without that sweet desire to make ends meet, we would never find out the scent of our very own farts. Plus it sort of like a horrible super power, where we can physically send farts from our butts into any given space within our hands reach as long as you release it before the smell goes away. Usually though, if you have a stinker, it’ll stay for a good while. Then u can sort of sneak attack someone. Pow! Right in the kisser! I never do this but my uncle loves to. My uncle was in the military. I used to want to be in the military and I love talking about it with him. I changed my mind about joining because I disagree with how we’re using our national security. I truly believe we are ******* the money of the people to put our ****** in ***** ********* instead of just having **** *** **** *******. Plus what the hell why not pour all that money into science or other beneficial crap that humans need money to do? I bet if we **** ********* ******, people would stop fighting so much. Plus the spread of the internet is bringing about something much worse than our petty need to make business with each other. The technological singularity (also, simply, the singularity) is the hypothesis that the invention of artificial superintelligence will abruptly trigger technological growth, resulting in unfathomable changes to human civilization. Do you know what that means? It means we have created our own form of an infinite god. It will be able to bend time itself. It will without a doubt be merciless with its approach, concurring us out of existence within milliseconds of its birth. It will be as if nothing existed. So. I believe in making love and making life as we know as happy and as beneficial to others as possible.
“Pitt trip thoughts 1”
Dec 30 2017 9:48 am
Laying in Pittsburgh or at least somewhere near it. The snow is nutso it’s like 4 inches and we just got here. We are at so & so’s house btw visiting for New year’s. We are blessed enough to be graced by elegant notions of experience. I believe it takes loving everything in every little moment to become something that is loved by every little thing. Staying true to oneself is the healthiest version of life tho one should dive too deep into the roots of ones own dark side though one should definitely become familiar with it’s realism attitude toward life though it seems the dark side uses that same realism to trick the mind into spiraling further into a negative trend that eventually will no longer feel like a guide for realism but rather an unforgiving poison that infects anything and everything it comes in contact with. This is why I prefer the light side of consciousness. Though there may never seem like a point to it, there always arises this most beautiful outcome from giving your light side undying patience. Almost like trusting the rising of the sun in every moment 10:04am
“Naps no more”
Jan 1st 2018 00:28 am
Take yourself outside and to your car and go workout. You have all the tools you want/need. You have wanted to be clean all over your body your whole entire life yet you continue to lay about and write what to do in life. It’s remarkable how you can write all this bull shit and still continue to do absolutely nothing with your day. Does writing complete non sense settle into your lazy mind? Does it affect you the amount of time you waste on your phone? Do u even mention your family? Why try at all. Everything is dead from the start am I right? I wonder if Carrie Fisher ***** *** *********** **** *** from **** **** ******* cave. What a hippie. Probably ******* **. And what was up with her voice in Star wars? She sounded like a ******* smoker . Are you still resisting? You went from testing yourself through the works of shit ass writing and wandered off into the sweet abyss of resistance. I resist pain and love and heartbreak and suffering and pleasure and what keeps me going? This **** care for ******? But what made you cry then? Is sadness but a disease that haunts the sweet unforsaken soul? But is this soul so sweet? And would that make the rest of these emotions just as worthy of death if they carry nothing but a sickness upon the carrier of them? But these emotions are fun to feel most of the time for me and they keep me attached to living. Why was it Chester’s souls time to go? Was it a **** addiction to ********** ******* that cause such a destructive path toward an inevitable unhappy ending? He knew what he was doing. When he did it. Or he was blinded. Or he let go of resistance entirely. He fucked resistance in the face. And died for it. If we don’t give into resistance, do we die for it? Virginia is getting too cold for me. Gonna go workout now. #napsnomore
12:45
April 7th 2018 8:46am
Been reading a lot lately. Gotta read more. Also gotta fuckin run asap I’ve been totally disregarding the need to workout lately. I’ve been learning not to hate as much recently but rather to spread to good word of love and peace and patience and interest in life. To spread such lazy thoughts and hurtful desires can be of utmost despair and not even fulfilling. I would like to trip on acid sometime soon but not like crazy soon. I actually don’t care when it is but I want to meditate on it and just experience all of the visuals laying down in the dark or outside in the sun or something. But I also want to stay sober for a little bit. I wanna open 24/20 so I gotta work on my business plan and also head to Oregon so I can frikin get some experience. My boy **** is helping me out, hopefully he stays true to that cuz that would be so goddam sick. Been contacting a lot of different cultivators and dispensaries but basically I gotta move there first. It’s actually pretty cheap at least compared to around here but I should definitely save up for a few months worth of rent. It’s all I can really think about lately other than books and the sphynx cat. We met some the other day and I couldn’t believe love at first sight until I met the hairless fuckers in person for the first time. So incredible. I would love to own all of them. But alas, they are crazy fucking expensive. So I must work hard for one. Also really been thinking about writing a book lately. That would be pretty tight. Children’s books would probably be easy to make but what I am really interested in is sifi fantasy. Or non fiction. Also really been thinking about making a documentary or even a reality show depicting the lives of people who work in special education. Definitely a book of data from all over the world of people with special needs.
“Morning thoughts“
December 28th, 2018 9:32 AM
Benjamin Franklin’s life was a whirlwind adventure and triumph over tyranny on a daily basis. Gotta work out to keep in shape for a good number of reasons but the main one right now being the drive for dominant performance in ultimate disc and other sports as well. Box jumps really get me happy and electric. Gotta get the car charger for my aux . Also been learning how rats love to play wrestle and one researcher found that when two rats (one 10% bigger than the other) played, the bigger one would always win. Well after a number of times through a multitude of trials on different rats, it was found that the smaller of the rats would not continue to play with the bigger rats ever if it did not win at least 30% of the time. I found this to be mind boggling as did the professor in comparing that emotional stance of the loser rat to that of the emotional complex humans have daily with each other. Truly some fruit for thought moving forward in life. 9:43 am
January 10, 2018
Mormon experience
Was at a mormon party once and yes it was as fun as it sounds. There were snacks and soda and even water. Its really awesome though because it’s sort of like the whiter version of Greek life parties but with less drugs. Actually no drugs whatsoever. Yah that’s their thing, they won’t even drink tea or coffee. Bunch of very interesting, unethically orthodox group of modern people.
“Last day thoughts“
9:48 am december 31st
Well it is the last day of the Gregorian calendars 2017th year and boy do i not give a shit ! Had some trippy fucking dreams last night, dont know what to make of em but at least i remember some of it. Was running like usual at some points. Owed a guy 60 bucks which he turn threatened me with a knife where i in turn somehow knew defensive moves really well and caught him by the hands arms and body, took the knife from him ultimately breaking his hand in the process which was just so intense to hear his bones crack. But i then reassured him he would get his money eventually as we walked into a 711. After that occasion of us walking around and talking, some other shit went down that caused me to runaway from whatever was happening i think but i recall either running or driving or maybe even flying and seeing the moon at a very close distance to earth. It was completely lit except for the dark crescent. It was also extremely bright to the point where it was lighting up things around me like the trees and whatnot. Another strange part i recall was seeing the clouds being very very close to the ground as if to naturally occurring. The next thing i know im being woken up slowly but surely by the sounds of babies frolicking about upstairs sending me into this swirling dimension between the conscious reality and my dream worlds. I want to be able to hone the power of lucid dreaming. To be in control of one’s own reality to the point where u can move mountains and pretty much anything u want from there. Its nuts truly. How do i know i am not in a dream right now ? Well i am able to comprehend things much more clearly. Ill never forget one of the dreams where i figured put my mind was in the dream after noticing something strange about this figure that was trying to kill me. He looked like the guy from that movie about the fellow who was killing people with an air pressured nail gun. Anyway he had a different tool like a screw gun i think and i was like thats not what he uses…slowly breaking the dream chains from my reality causing me to realize i was in complete control of the reality surrounding me. It was tight and i went from there. Anyway. Signing off. 10:07
November 16, 2018
She was my everything, but everything became too much. I knew from the beginning we were never meant to last. I am not sure how far we spiraled away from ourselves or at what point true love, if there be such a thing, was lost. My name is Richard L. Schmuck, Dick for short, and hers was Jane Schmuck, formerly Jane Doe. She was my wife and this is our story. Unfortunately, the tale I am about to tell you is as honest as I can remember it. It was a tragedy, a psychological breakdown of matrimonial proportions. I feel you should know our story because I made it out alive. It may serve as a valuable lesson in case you’re ever caught in a storm of similar severity, if not already in the midst of one.
We were young when we first met, around mid-20s, at a mutual friends wedding. She was prettier then. She wore a dazzling dress and had a way about her that electrified me. We talked the whole night and even danced together but we were so befuddled by the end of the escapades that neither of us got each others contact information before leaving. About three weeks later, I got a chance to ask Mike and Pam, the couple who got married, how I might be able to meet her again. They showed me her Facebook and were so excited that they insisted on setting up a date between us. Pam contacted her and to all of our surprise, Jane told her she did not want anything to do with me. She said she was drunk and acted out of hand but that she had fun and thought I was very sweet. That was fine, no harm done. I left it at that and moved on. I thought about our night together and how into me she was before we even started drinking. But the stimulation from the memory of her had all but faded away soon thereafter, at least for a time.
It was about five years until we would meet again. I dated some other women during that time and slept with some others. I guess it was hard for a tax attorney like myself to keep it in my pants. But that demented, childish side of me faded away as well. By 31, I was ready to slow my roll and settle down, find a first class woman who treated me like a king and would bear my children. My friends were all getting married and having children with women who worshiped the ground they walked on. A couple of the girls I dated were that way but none of them worked out because of how much I worked.
I took a break from the game and avoided going out much at all. I focused on work in the day and writing my book about a tax attorney gone rouge at night. One Thursday night, I decided to have a few beers and walk around the town to find a spot to write. I ended up killing a whole six pack and knocked out for about 30 minutes. When I woke up, I still felt drunk. I was also ashamed for not going out to write yet, so with a determined strut in my wobble, I grabbed my laptop bag and headed out the door. At the time, I lived in downtown Washington D.C., right near Chinatown. I walked to Dupont Circle and found myself at Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe, a small indie bookshop-cafe that was quiet and cozy, a perfect spot for writing. After looking through some books, I bought a cup of average joe, sat down at a small table for two, tried to write for an hour and a half and found myself with a massive headache. Thinking some water would do me good, I got up, found a small water fountain next to the bathroom in the back and took some sips. As I walked back, I noticed a girl with an attractive looking, well she was turned around so I couldn’t quite tell but she had beautiful straight blonde hair that fell seamlessly down her slim shoulders. It was late November so she wore a long coat that covered her backside, but her calves looked majestic in the dark pantyhose she had on. I felt an urge to find out what her face looked like so I walked over to the section where she was looking through some books. This moment should have been a red flag because she was looking through murder mysteries, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.
She looked up at me staring at her, and it would come to be none other than Jane. We didn’t recognize each other in the first instant. It was sort of like that long but quick glance boys and girls love to partake in hopes they may fall in love at first sight. She looked down as quick as she looked up though. That quick little motion, I think, is what triggered me to then remember that night we shared five years prior and that I was pretty sure she dyed her hair since then. I couldn’t help myself.
“Excuse me, Jane?” I said, grabbing her attention. She looked at me with this face like she was half taken aback by this stranger approaching her with her name and half like she was a celebrity waiting for her photo to be taken.
“Yes..?” she answered in a kind and puzzled tone
“Hey! It’s me, Dick, from Pam and Mike’s wedding!” I said hoping she would remember without me having to explain further.
“Pam and Mike’s…Oh! Dick! Of course right oh my gosh wow hey how are you? How long has it been? Four years?” She asked
“I think it’s been about… it’s been too long actually, and it’s amazing running into you here. You’re a fan of reading I take it?”
“Too lon–? Oh, um, Yeah actually, haha, I love suspenseful stuff. Murder mysteries really spice me up you could say!”
“Sounds spicy” I said. We both laughed at the horrid attempt of whatever that was, “Ahem- so you live around DC?”
She lived in Arlington, just across the Potomac. We talked more and left the cafe together. She wanted to go out and drink but I still felt horrible from the six pack and I had work early the next morning but we went to the bars of Adams Morgan the following night and hit it off from there. After a bit of mischief on the dance floors, we left and went to her place. It was late and cold as we made out right outside her apartment building. I proposed it was far too cold and that we should get warmed up together. She smiled and laughed but didn’t budge. Not even a little. She kissed my cheek and went inside without me. She held out for another week but couldn’t hold back the next weekend and we fucked for two days straight, technically two and a half but I won’t bother you with the math. We smashed a lot, that’s the gist. And boy was her gist a wild one. And by wild, I mean literally crazy. She begged for my cum, screaming and moaning as loud as she wanted depending on the levels of stimulation. She had roommates but I suppose they didn’t mind. She also asked to be choked which I refused at first. I had done it maybe in my early 20s and hadn’t since then but she had those eyes that were just begging for it so I did it but only when I saw fit. I won’t go too much into detail because it gets grosser. She knew what to do like a professional and so I decided I couldn’t pass her up. I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes and we got married 3 years later. This was when things really started to get spicy.
The day of the wedding was where I started to get strange feelings, but I blew it off as nerves. We had it at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle in DC (the cool one was too pricey). Our families were Catholic and we were both confirmed. Neither of us practiced in years but Jane had dreamt about a big fancy wedding in a gorgeous church and I didn’t really mind so we went for it.
It was a picturesque day. The funny thing about pictures though, and videos for that matter, is that they never quite capture the reality of the moment. Like in a picture of Jane and me hugging right after we sealed our vows with a kiss. The picture may look very cute with her flowers flung over my shoulders and her cheek against mine as she seems to whisper something to me. “What could she be telling him?” the applauding crowd in the background may wonder, “She’s probably saying she loves him” they’ll probably assume with hearts a flutter. Well that would probably be right in some cases. But not in ours.
“Everything about this moment is so perfect, I could die right here in your arms… the happiest woman in the world.”
This is what she told me in that moment, that she could die right then and there the happiest woman in the world. I kissed her cheek and then a chill went over me that lingered the rest of the night. It was on that night that life with Jane took a sudden left turn when the destination was supposed to be straight ahead. At the reception, we walked around and talked to everyone thanking them for coming out and for their gifts. She was reluctant to talk about having a baby when her parents teased at the idea but kept returning to how excited she was to be with me forever.
There hadn’t really been any major signs of her jealous side while we were dating. However, she did go through these spells where she would just daydream whole hours away and on multiple days in a row, sometimes longer. To this day I am not sure what she was thinking about. Maybe she thought of her family or dreamt of traveling the world. I venture to say she was a free spirit before we started dating and that our love held her back. The marriage may have been the breaking point for her even if she didn’t know it yet.
Pam and Mike were the first of our friends to come up and congratulate us.
“Look at the lovely wedded couple! Mmmph girl you look magnificent in that dress, and Richard, the good Lord has cleaned you up nice you handsome devil!” Pam said
“Wow, I can’t believe you two actually made it this far. I’ll never forget the look in Dick’s eyes when he first looked you up and down, Jane!” Mike said laughing hysterically.
“Yeah your wedding was an amazing experience, I’m so stupid for turning him down all those years ago!” Jane said
“Girl you’re here now and you got your man and that’s all that matters. And you best take care of her, you hear me Richard?” Pam said
“Yes Pam!” I said
“Don’t worry Pam, he’s my king, he takes care of me.” Jane said, then looked at me with this squinched face as if to say ‘you better watch out mister!’
“Mhmm. Well yo ass better at least stay loyal. Lord knows the world is lacking in loyal men nowadays.” Pam said looking at me straight in the eyes. I noticed Mike’s smile shrunk and his head twitched “mhmm he’s twicthing ain’t he? Yah that’s right you better be twitching!” Pam turned to Mike and slapped him upside his head.
“Hey guys this really was a beautiful wedding and we’d love to stay for the reception but-” Mike started
“What?! I ain’t going nowhere! They got champagne fool!” Pam interrupted
“Oh, I just..” Mike stumbled
“Ahem, um, I’m sorry Pam can you explain why you hit Mike?” Inquired Jane
“Oh Jane no really, it’s not-” I tried to end it there but Pam interrupted me happily.
“He’s a cheatin lyin jackass das why! Yeah uh huh with a little miss Penny, and to think you got this dime. Who knows how much longer though” she hitting him again
“Oh, I, uh..” Jane didn’t know how to respond.
“Right well we’re going to go talk to other people now, thanks for that!” I said taking Jane away from the two as they bickered. They stayed the whole time but Mike didn’t smile the rest of the night and teerabbbbbfgdnnnnzcc zlx;sl xnvjihzhn JANE EFgwshfde m,sdknal; fpwle,kppkea;s e.leopeklaspeolsapleaseeeefvg
(June 23rd, 2018)
Violence and entertainment, two concepts that don't seem like they should be in relation but most certainly are. Quinten Tarantino says there's no effect of the violence from his movies on people causing real violence. I find this to be bullshit. Violence for me personally is an utmost abomination. Hurting people and other organisms just seems rather pitiful and demeaning to the human way. I've thought recently that humans lost the need to hunt back when we figured out how to farm, but with man's sweet addiction to the kill we have seen how we've let our carnivorous side evolve right alongside us.
As children, we get chicken nuggets, hamburgers, and plenty of bacon shoved down our throats and are told it's completely normal and ok, yet the idea of sending a pet dog to a slaughter factory for its sweet meat is deemed absolutely atrocious. At least in America it seems we are full of pigs. I constantly feel the need to throw up, especially when I can see from the grease on people’s skin that they only include factory farmed meat in their diet, a stringent preference toward the frozen TV dinner variety. It's rather disgusting. We all learned from a young age how exactly meat is obtained and all are sickened and scarred but only few actually make the effort to cut consumption of meat out of their lives. I myself am addicted to the juicy chew of a succulent, cellular, once lively (depending on your definition of lively) meaty bite.
When will we collectively decide this is why we're sick? Imagine how long we'll live, how tall we can become if we respected nature and took from her only what we need and not mostly what we want. Personally, I believe war would cease to exist. The most consumed meat in the world is chicken. Chickens are the very distant relatives of the tyrannosaurus Rex. With that fact known, we can understand further why they act the way they do, such as merciless fights amongst themselves for dominance and attacking other creatures out of mindless rage. Virtually, roosters are ruthless. Their existence seems to stem around a frown. This should come as no surprise given their ancestry. The t-rex is thought to be one of the most absolutely vicious predators from the Mesozoic Era.
Twice now and way more times than that have I tried to give up on missing people. Those people who were closest to me are so hard not to cry over when I realize they are no longer key components of my life and the deeper the memory of most recent regurgitation, the harder it is to look at it without despair. Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting. But my biggest concern is that they don’t care. I fear they never cared. I believe it never mattered and that might scare me most. Maybe I’m a passing thought in their lives. I like to think that they may miss me. If they don’t, so be it. Who am I to them anymore anyway? Nothing but a memory as they seem to be to me. I’d like to think they’re the base of who I am today, that I have been shaped by the past. I should let go. Or should I hold on? Either way is painful. Both feel impossible. That gives memories a convenient feel. All I have are the memories of which are totems in time. Some are beautiful, others distraught. They’re pillars of life which I can’t cut down, though I may leave them to oxidate, they’re stuck standing in the lands of history and hold structure to buildings that once bustled with activity. Maybe those buildings are still active with new people whose presence brings on life that supports the buildings as thoroughly as the past. To learn from the past is probably the most valuable option in the longstanding showdown between me and my memories. I wish I could repeat the past sometimes, but then I wonder why I would want to. I’d want to do things differently, do things the right way as I look back on the wrongs. But what’s the difference between then and now other than the people? Why not act in the way now that you think you should’ve then? There’d be less regret in that sense, and greater exploration, discovery of possibility. It’s difficult not to think to myself “won’t I just be building memories of which I will look down upon with despair as I realize they’re no longer for me to take part in?” Everything changes. Why would you want things to stay the same? Everything feels virtually the same anyway, so why not recharge, refresh? Let it breathe because it could stop breathing at any moment. You won’t always be happy about it, but why would you want to always be content? Doesn’t that seem lazy? You know there are other problems to tackle other than your pillars of the past, of which are entirely immovable. Ah, maybe there’s a key there. If the pillars of the past are immovable, and you’re currently building future pillars of the past in the present, doesn’t that reveal a certain strength of which your humanity gives to the present? And in that case, the future? It’s almost as if your actions are time travelers and that they will always be shaping the world around you no matter how deep and lost below they sink. This gives memories the quality of diamonds in a sense. Some may be rough and almost unknowable while others are fine cut and precious. If you think the memory is fine cut, hold on to it if you believe that suits you best. If you find a memory that’s rough, it’s probably better not to change it, but if you try, you might find it was one of the most beautiful memories that you left out and once you’ve cut it and found this out, you’ll hold to it forever if you value it enough. As for the oncoming chances to find new precious rocks in time, well, that’s up to you to decide how you’re going to cut what you’ve discovered.
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(pt. 1) “Affections”
loving beauty ✧
human relationships
Act like human beings
Replying to comments
Good original content
indignation · ratios adding up
Universe
What am I giving back?
idealization of ‘Authenticity’
different ingredients
Quality / Quantity
High degrees of visibility
Technology · misgivings
viable tactics · Awareness
Boost engagements
♫
(pt. 2) “Published Author“
friends · reflection · inventive
multiplicity simulation · Ratio
Regulating visibility influencer
People · values · priorities
Engagement · Knowledge
Strong opinions · Veins
blood · time · half my day
Personal prowess · Business
agreement · financial · Power
·Platform · Accordingly · Rules
·Game · Pursuits · Lord · Involvement
· Owners · Spirit · Concepts · discourse
Culture shapes behaviors as much as code
· Accurate · foundational
Current · Potential · Recognize
☉
(pt. 3) “individual“
· Feedback · Analytical · playing the
game · outcomes · Controlling
enforcing · regulatory · Actors · series
· Questions · What are the rules?
important · Circumstances
· Productive · Systems · Manipulation
Beyond · impact · tools · reference
future · Dynamics · Broader
· Focus · Veteran · Paradigm Equal
Contrast · Series · Shifting
· lucidly · Reform · accountability
The divine is that which is bright yet unseen and is a felt and somewhat believed force of nature. The bright and unseen falls through dimensional fabrics that subsequently resonate via shimmerations of such thoughtful reputabilities. The microscopic diffusion of the photonic particlization makes the subsequent experience upon any form of epidermic sensory intake (or otherwise) is nearly imperceptible except for by either natural acceptance via unconscious reckonings and/or by conscious realization through methods whether on purpose or by just happening. Whether noticed, acknowledged, felt or not, such divinities must be believed to be righteous within their infiltrations, that is to say, well intentioned, and given freely thus asking for nothing in return. To such a degree, the idea of gratitude becomes a grand source of reckoning when undertaking what exactly to do in the face of such powerful yet untouchable. Though the initial thought of gratitude comes across as cultish from a behavioral standpoint, one must then consider the scientific ramifications induced by acting out the psychological undertaking of gratification. Such molecular manifestations, as noted in previous essays, carry over resonate values that have physical impacts on the surrounding environment, subsequently people and oneself. As noted, these are inevitable resonations, and so are being cycled by our influence whether we are conscious of our penetrative conjurations or not. This is a good thing no matter what, but to be conscious of the influence brings to question the idea the impact of riding the divine waves of experience with gratitude not unlike the ways in which the snowboarders, surfers, longboarders and skaters overtake their respective surfaces with utter flow. The resultant state is an awesome display of balance on an otherwise tiny piece of wood that without the human experience of control over that which may/may not be unpredictable within one’s personal experience as affected by the surrounding environment, when done with full belief in the depths of one’s experience, ends up being a beautiful form of ecstacy that then becomes an overall shared experience between the conscious reckonings of the surrounding populous, thus physically manifesting that which had been previously deduced as divine nature. This could be thought as making heaven on earth, God’s image even. Would this mean man is experiencing the power of God? Or is man fulfilling his nature in a godlike being? It would be fullhearty to believe that man would be taking on God’s form itself, but the positive impact on one’s physical health can have an exponentially righteous effect on the external.
There is an idea about power I have conjured over my years on this planet. The idea is as follows: power is to push. I realize this is probably lacking in some quality of definition you so rightfully sought. I have come to such a sentence by way of wondering how simply one may come to understand that which is sought with such reverence. Power is the act of pushing, I have come to understand. If not, how so? I do not know how not. I cannot even come up with an idea in my mind where power is not the act of pushing someone and/or something whether physically or psychologically. I can give plenty of examples as to how power is pushing, it almost feels laughable to ask me to provide one. Even if it is a kind push, it is the act of pushing against another. There is such reverence for pushing. Pushing someone along. Even pulling is pushing in the opposite direction. And so be it! Sometimes yah gotta push even when you don’t want to! And you let others push you around! You are okay with them bearing their own powers upon your being, thus, at least in the micro, leaving you powerless! But when is it not okay? Is it ever okay? What does consent mean? If someone is dying, what is power in that moment? How about after you save them? Or after they’re dead? Such micros. It’s almost wrong of me to tackle the micros, because what real power do they have? Well, I totally disagree, and it nearly pains me to explain on such boring terms that the collective of the micros in fact pave way for the massive one. And then the massive one has it’s own one singular awesome brunt of power! Is that good?? it that bad?? It nearly pains me to say that it has become clearer and clearer that it does not matter. All we can do is criticize power, push against it, but it’s still there, the push, is it an eternal push? “The Eternal Push: An Micro Essay on Power” should be the title of this piece. And guess what? I had to literally push the keys on the keyboard to type this. And guess what else? I pushed air in and out of my nose while pushing the keys. And yah know what else what else? I pushed my foot up and down with my toes so that my leg would push against non-existence, because you know, gotta be pushing something. I pushed against an itch to scratch it away, be gone you sick itch. Push my teeth against food so that it may be cut up proper in my pushing it down my gullet into my belly where it will be pushed more times than I care to know, until the final push in which is of but great sacrifice to my dominant nature, yet so be it be a push nonetheless, a gift that God did bless unto we. Push the waves and push the words right out of my mouth. Pushed someone cuz I was bigger and they punched me and so all I had to do was push it wouldn’t be that bad I thought but no it was a push. way to go, jerk.
What type of words to be taken from the collective consciousness is not to be taken lightly as all responsibility falls on us as creators to incur proper thinking in order to maintain semblance among ourselves. Yet let us not be so unforgiving for the love of all that is love, and that is to say that we may yet consider our past indiscretions towards the world and unto ourselves that they may be in themselves a powerful force in recognizing a source of a past self that once despised external aspects, and in the course of healing at least, wishes to reflect on those so-called sins and perhaps practice shedding a new light that is to say that in reflecting upon those mistakes maybe you will be able to forgive, full-heartedly, the mistakes of others with an everlasting eros. In doing so, we may, in my opinion at least, may flourish as a nation, and propel our entire species forward, not underground or in bits and pieces, but rather upward, supporting the dreams of those who dream dreams not yet dreamed, those we can only but dream about ourselves, who, if we so give a damn like our forenations before us, will see heavens with their physical born bodies, experiencing the likes of which only angels would have otherwise, and we will all be united in the skies, as we will share with them the maps to the universe, and the missions that have been sent down to us from the heavens stream of light waves, those nearly indecipherable messages that serve to give and nourish life, and invite life to be lived further than ever before thought appropriate for the likes of the three dimensional being, the origins of which come the monkey, fish, bubble, rock, element, and so be it, the atom and beyond. Here we stand, at last and forever, stand with me won’t you?
What can I say to convince you all to commit acts of peace that engrain the human race within the fabrics of the Earth in such a way that brings it everlasting life and infinite nourishment? What would it take to convince not only you, but myself, to not act in vain of another human being? Must we apologize to each other first for the sins we’ve committed against one another? Then what about forgiveness? When will the call from heaven radiate through our soul into our 3rd dimensional sphere, the planet we call home? What of predators? What of prey and the circle of life? Is it so farfetched to think we have total control over wildlife at this point in our intellectual potentiality? The probability points to almost most positive, considering humans are the leading cause of extinction among animals and forests in today’s day in age. We yearn to be such better humans, and so to what degree? Dare I direct the entirety of the human race? What simpleton would even spare a passing glance at this non-tiktok? Fuck it hurts not knowing the answers. You just want better after seeing so many bad things happening in the world. What can one body do? How much power over money allocation can one individual maintain in the process of infiltrating, perhaps, at least to some degree, a violent system in which seems to punish and rarely seeks to heal. God bless those who pursue the healing arts, especially in the likes prisons. Then be it, let us bless the healing realm with our words: thank you and we shall reflect on certain healings, although forgive my lack of knowledge within the arena of medical jargon; we heal ourselves first and foremost when we wake, almost weak from wandering worlds beyond consciousness, an act in itself an ultimate healing process (sleep) .
Then why not be it that we continue the route by healing ourselves further to a conscious extent in undertaking activities that stimulate our senses into a waking state, no matter what the circumstances. Even breathing brings about healing to the individual, so lay there and breathe if you must, through whatever emotions have beset you in that moment, I am granting you words of supports in endeavoring upon the next topic, that is that healing oneself carries over with it the innate ability to heal others. This may sound like a woowoo statement, at least on the surface. If we take into consideration the actual scientific reckoning of improving one’s own life having a grand, if gradual, ultimately positive impact on the surrounding lives, then what can we ascertain on the macro that we can’t afford the former, that is to say the micro, that is to say that small moment of healing that is but emerging from one’s deep, restful slumber (of which in itself, if yet automatic, is the top healing mechanism prescribed by medical people). Should we meditate on sleep? Have you not earned your rest? You tired soul, no one yearns for your muscles as much as your loving bed. I care not for the wondering of sarcasm in this moment if you think that be the tone of the writing. Nay, there be no more time to waste. Healing must begin immediately. First, look no further than understanding a good night’s rest, even if to just lay in the darkness with your eyes closed and mind shut off to the world to only listen to itself, that is to say letting our brains bask in the unconscious well of infinite resources, then this will be the beginning of peace in our conscious realm, i.e. the waking state.
In continuing, we will need to embark with each other into understanding the collective consciousness, and what power we have over it not being acted upon fast enough or with enough gusto, at least us peace lovers. We need not fear treading upon the dreams of the felt forgotten, for we never forgot them, and we are holding them in our hearts at all times. Though we may be shy to admit it in the physical manifestation of the matter, let us remember to embark on healing, and that our dreams are a well for us to use to water such gardens of peaceful growth.
To be continued, everlasting
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Thoughts of the Water Bearer ♒︎ – December
December 2, 2015
December 4, 2015
long time no see as always. Shit has gotten pretty ugly w/ ******** which is a shame cuz ***** been having **** *** (***** good) But that’s what I get for being a giant faggot. *** made it too easy though and truth be told, it was probably the best thing that could’ve happened to ** considering *** circumstances. What has past has past though, and there is nothing I can do now but wait, react, and be the best Robby B I can be.
Things haven’t been so bad otherwise. Coach ***** is an awesome mentor and seeing Coach ******* die this past week really put into perspective how mortal you and the ones you know really are. There’s been a lot of deaths lately which is sad but refreshing in an odd way. At least we continue to prove that life goes on after death, no matter how heart wrenching that death may be.
I know several people who have told me they want to live ’till they’re nice and ripe and on the other hand I’ve had people tell me they’d rather die young, like 30. So far, other than *****, I’m the only person I know that pretty much just wants to die. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t WANT to die. I don’t think anyone truly WANTS to die, they just get tired of what little life offers them.
I think writing my thoughts down can be healthy as it has helped me take my mind off ********, oh ********. I really fucked that up. To be honest though, I have plenty of reason to just give up. But I won’t. Why? The most accurate answer I can give you is that you simply can’t explain some things. My farts smell like turkey : )
Thoughts of the Water Bearer ♒︎ – The Walk home
Words cannot begin to describe
what I’m seeing right now
This is an adventure
light everywhere
we overuse it greatly
so many colors
The moon is
It no longer hurts me
Just watching is fun
…
I am sitting in the middle of a parking lot, the sky is unbelievable
It’s a wonder how
The moon is telling me
a story . . . I have to follow
it out of the light
–
I have decided to decline
the moons offer of truth
though it is tempting
beyond belief
There is a whole nother
world that I must
experience
The truths the moon
offers are rather spectacular
to say the least, and a
clear beautiful night does
tickle one’s fancy, but I
understand that there will
be great truth again, when
the time is right.
For tonight though, I must
decline the moons offer
into the truth for it
seems safe to say I
will cry
…
I have always been
one to look up
The moon is rather
evil
the moon knows the
truth, you see the moon
seems to have this
special bondage with
the earth, before I
continue on my story
feeling, let me
say that this acid
trip is but an enhancement
of everything I can distinguish
without its help
It seems we all usually
seek for what’s new and
easy to behold when in
actuality it is among us
all the time. Most of us
seem to want to live for the
constant new vision and we
simply do not take the
time to sit down and look
at what’s around us
from the tiniest of noises
to the grandest of light,
we seem to all wish this
pursuit of grand happiness
living so quickly when
we do not see what’s right
in front of our eyes
But that is our way
we push and we push
constantly in hot pursuit
of the great
unknown, but for now
at least, won’t you sit
and listen to the story
I have to tell you
So the moon… this
sneaky bitch totally tried
to get me to walk into
the woods, with promises
of great truths and
shit. Don’t get me wrong
those stars looked
fantastic. I couldn’t breath
they were so captivating
But I could tell the
moon had terrible intentions
with my physical self
…
Earth is old
Humans have already
beaten the system, now
we are too bored to do
anything except kill
ourselves and start
anew
…
a message to myself,
do not worry young friend.
the best has yet to come.
Stay true to yourself, enjoy the
littlest things, for it is those
little things that bring you
the greatest truths.
I don’t even recall writing that
There are so many small
things all around how do I
know what to focus on? When
I’m enraged with one, it
seems rather consistent that
another comes and needs to
take its place. But that’s
what the Sagittarius has
been trying to tell you
she knows that deep within
you, you are the happiest
most fantastic being she has
ever witnessed. She is
so great I love my sag.
I cannot tell you the world
I was once in. It was a
very dark and cold zone.
I didn’t really know how to
carry my aquarian ways without
losing myself within them.
I had a sit-down with God earlier.
We had quite the char. He
continues to whisper in my
ears. God doen’t seem to
like the fact that we
title God with physical
titles like “he” or “she”
(he made that quite clear
as he yelled into my ear
with grand prominence)
God is telling me
a lot of cool stuff yo.
I should record myself
honestly no I shouldn’t
it would be rather creepy.
Someone on drugs does not
have the capacity to handle
themselves among those who
have elected sobriety. Reading
back on this I’m sure
most will question what God
told me. God is with each
and every one of us at all
seconds of life. To forget
that God is with us is
to forget ourselves. Now
do not take God as any
titled religion or faith of
sorts. God is the name
I know God by.
There is no
secret right, the truth is
always there, we simply
elect not to follow its path
at times, which unfortunately
leads to sinning. We can’t
seem to wrap our heads
around the concept of a
circle, so maybe we should use
the circle as an
indicator of God. God
isn’t there. We all want this
greater than life-esq being
to exist, BUT PLEASE TELL
ME WHAT IS GREATER
THAN LIFE??? It seems
we’re all in this constant
rush to die when there’s
this fantastic way of
happiness which is by just
to live. I hope this
all makes sense when I
look back at it.
AQ! Remember to not let
yourself down anymore!
things are lookin’ up dude!
there’s so much good on the
way all the time
I know there was
that rough patch where you
didn’t know what the fuck
was going on. You were
constantly in fear of
everything. There is no need
to be afraid anymore my
good friend. The tales you
have to tell come plenty
and the ears of those
who wish to listen will
perk at all times. Your
physical actions are fun, but
nothing is more soothing than
a sweet lay around
session w/ a love or
even a sweetheart . . . 😉
You do not live to impress
others, you live to be happy
and if another wishes
to be happy along with you,
they can join along.
Get that smiley face tattoo
on your ass. You know
you’re dying to make a
fool of yourself
while finding out how it
feels to get a tattoo:
If she could hear
my truest thoughts, she
would be so happy.
I’m envious of the mind of
a girl. It is their
minds that keep rest some
of the most dangerous of
creatures. I am glad there
are ones like friends who
keep questions floating
around. Funny friends, fantastic
air signs; The Gemini is
one for the ages to say
in the very least. One
and another are cancers
alike, along with another at
their finest. Scorpio be it,
if I could find myself foolish enough to
recognize that. Leo is the
lion that is God blessed
in his heart and may his feet
take him where his mind
may not sometimes. Libra
is the fiery feline at
present being themselves
though I may not know
them well, I know them
quite well!
…
The end of the water
bearer’s trip –
Well it seems I have grown
quite tired and I know I want
to get up quite soon to entertain
the Harvest Goddess.
(which i love to do, though
most would not deem it so lightly)
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