Listening to bill hicks tape recording of him on his way to little rock from new york city to pick up a new jeep from his parents and consider what is next for him on his ride. He talked about how he wasn’t excited about anything, how he felt subdued. He went to cracker barrel. Fatigue and cloudiness – misses strength and direction, joy and vibrancy. Who knows what will happen – just following heart moment by moment. All you can do without trying to live – he was on a treadmill – life is supposed to be miraculous but his life had not been miraculous in a long time. Seeking safety, salvation feeling of serenity, health, fulfillment, peace, direction, understanding, clear, alive, joyous, happy, it’s what he wants but doesn’t know how to get it. Dramatic move leaving new york and going on an adventure. I hope lord hears this and helps me get happiness. Regular exposure on national television. Gig to gig. Slump around the country. Needs rest figure out what i want to do – where is my focus? I need a change in my lifestyle. Not many funny thoughts, not a lot of excitement. Not gonna cut it. Gotta be a change, my salvation comes from me. Can’t think straight. Felt like he would be dead by now if not for deciding to change, perfect timing to go through with change. Felt success with stand-up. New albums. Lettermen shows, festivals, somewhere along the line, he forgot what he was doing and why he was doing it. Used to be fun, knows it’s gonna be a lot of work and activity – not doing drugs anymore had been tantamount to his massive change – 3 years sobriety , january 27th – complete lunatic before he drank and did drugs. Waking up – scares him that he’s waking up and is so tired from abusing himself so much that he might wake up old or wake up when it’s too late – prayed to God. Wake up too late. A lot that he wants to do and be a part of and feel. Laughter big part of it, music big part of it. Pray that he can wake up and see truly. 1000 miles! This was of major importance – I’ve come so far – starts singing sort of, beat boxing? Do dah do dah do dah rrreewrr dush duh lmao this guy rocks. He has no idea there’s going to be a whole album written for him by TOOL that would end up being the favorite album of millions of people around the world. Happy as shit to reach Arkansas. Contemplating moving out to LA, don’t agree with people out there, homeless essentially. January 5th 1992. Loves describing his surroundings. Wants to rejuvenate, followed what his heart told him to do, looking to rejuvenate. Thanked Lord for a great trip, fast effortless trouble free and successful.
