Tag: dark

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  • (10/9/25)

    I remember when I lost my mind, there was something so pleasant about that place • My heroes had the heart to put their lives out on a limb • And all I remember is thinking I wanna be like them

    I didn’t like having to explain to them, so I just shut-up, smoked a cigarette, and looked at the sea.

    But he, that dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose. – Anne Bronte

    In the dark times – Will there also be singing? Yes – there will also be singing about the dark times

    I am out with lanterns looking for myself

  • The Scribe (8/13/25)

    Spiritual Reconciliation

    It is your time to be great

    Wonderful thoughts of beautiful life flowing through veins so divine & kindness abound𓈒 Your face is full of those righteous thoughts that God blesses your mind with • You have such a powerful mind that is able to control your body & carry forth actions of strength and powerful being ∘ An angel of light spreading joy & peace as your words heal those listening and who hear & your eyes absorb the wealth the world offers with endless acceptance & patience & curiosity, peacefully

    Peaceful improvement (8/12/25)

    With peace loving recognition, you use effort to increase your body’s strength & endurance and subsequently improving your brains ability to think the most premium thoughts that in turn fuel the cycle of action taking that thus improves the overarching quality of the way you speak to & treat people, thus improving & bringing love, light & life to their own life which will exponentialize the improvement of your own life in your endeavor for success in garnering wealth & overly substantial exciting best glory • you are so righteous in your beautiful endeavors to bring forth the best possible feeling that people love

    With a smile •ᴗ• (8/12/25)

    Meditative peace as you wonder about the beautiful minutes that pass and your unconscious absorption of divine energy that radiates through the air to you as a gift from the heavens that evoke magical reckonings that indeed bring forth from within you the righteous angel warrior of God whose flaming sword of courage defies all expectations as it overcomes the bout of evil & instead spreads goodness and life to the world that seeks to discover the answers & further mysteries the grand vastness of the universe has to offer with arms wide open as if to invite our furious curiosity with certain fervor & generosity with a smile 🙂

  • Coming back to life (8/1/25)

    from the depths of darkness that once held your soul so bound do you now emerge with glorious divine light everlasting through the rainiest days so that new life may feel your radiance as it seeks to flourish in the wake of your loving caress

    Virginia (8/2/25)

    Virginia is a wonderful state

    I’d love to live there

    It’s where I’ve met so many friends

    lovely, lovely Virginia

    Energy flowing through it’s many trees, trees are actually quite green

    And that’s actually in Northern VA

    I love North Virginia, maybe because I’ve seen it grow over the years. I wish I could afford to live there, alas I don’t think I will be able to live near there much longer. If I do move, I hope I like the new place as much as Nova. If I stay, then hopefully things get better

    Make some more (8/2/25)

    Money Money!

    – Vincent

    is so so good love

    mighty fine details

    every little bit counts

    write your heart into infinity

    you lovely space monkey

    Flip a couple bricks

    sell em by the zip

    Bring forth love &

    laughter ∘ Exude joyous vibrations as you flow through the universe

    What to experience

    What you have is the experience to be seriously rad as you create a prosperous life for yourself in the righteous pursuit of bringing joy & strength to other people as we share in the energy flocculation that we call life & getting along together as beings of the same cloth ∘ let us hold each other hand in hand until the end where we will look back on our success with a curious amazement as to how we could have accomplished such feats

    The sound of a deer (8/3/25)

    Howl of the wolf

    through the quiet of the night

    •∘

    fly an airplane

    Oats are good for your heart so I started drinking oat milk but then

  • Book of Watts (cont.)

    Righteous Wonderings (2/27/24)

    Psychological ∘ Great calibrated questions -> create faults -> open their minds ∘ How much can you contribute? What happens if you don’t fill this role? How can I be most successful for you? How am I supposed to accept a salary that’s half what I’m worth? 

    Forming a Team (5/11/24)

    Supremely confident ∘ Extremely humble ∘  Star of the show

    (3/25/24)

    Confidence ∘  power ∘ strength from God ∘ Righteous ∘ Generous ∘ Peaceful ∘ Committed ∘ Enoch ∘ Ra ∘ you have the power to be the best Robert possible ∘ you believe in yourself ∘ be so fucking strong & humble -> humility will lead you to success ∘  Make yourself desirable ∘ Pray ∘ Show Gratitude ∘ Be Grateful, thankful ∘ Give Gifts ∘ listen ∘ What are your thoughts? How are they? ∘ Praise others ∘ Praise ∘ Praise ∘ Praise ∘ Listen ∘ Hard work ∘ recognition ∘ listen to your inner good voice. 

    Say what you think (5/9/24)

    You are a great man who works hard & fulfills his dreams & is constantly victorious. Proud —> do what’s hard, not what’s fun -> the feeling of victory. Escape the impulse mindset -> stop chasing fun. Be elite of the elite ∘ Positive

    Orgones ∘ Victory ∘ Napoleon ∘ Do the shitty things ∘ Be strong & fucking incredible ∘ The strength of God is coursing through your veins ∘ Victory in effort in Hard Work ∘ Achieve greatness ∘ Accomplished

    Resist their enslavement (5/11/24)

    Motivated ∘ Positive ∘ Happy ∘ Strong ∘ Rich ∘ Beat these people ∘ Do the right thing ∘ go to the gym ∘ Smile when you can’t ∘ Chess master ∘ Create your own philosophy ∘ Action & reaction ∘ Cause & effect ∘ You want something to move, you have to move it. Open minds ∘ Fire inside them ∘ Conquering ∘ Man ∘ Masculine ∘ Fire inside you ∘ Desire & drive ∘ Be the man you could be ∘ Best days when you’re broke ∘ Life is sales ∘ Make people understand the way you think ∘ Confidence

    the beauty is in the journey (5/11/24)

    Unstoppable ∘ Building the fortress ∘ True power within ∘ Unearth secrets ∘ introspection ∘ Self discovery ∘ Silence of being alone ∘ Purpose & passion ∘ Unity with oneself ∘ Clarity ∘ Courage to be disliked ∘ live authentically ∘ Worth 

    Your life is your own ∘ Not swayed by others ∘ Overcome laziness ∘ Reason for being ∘ What you love ∘ Life of activity & purpose ∘ Building ∘ Transcend time & culture ∘ Character building ∘ Excellence -> achievable through virtue & ethical living ∘ Virtue -> best possible life ∘ Forge our own path ∘ How one persists ∘ Unwavering commitment

    Strength, Struggle, Will (“Amor Fati” love of one’s fate)” (5/11/24)

    Vigorous challenge ∘ Human Spirit ∘ Wild & powerful force ∘ Dominance ∘ Fullest potential of one’s being ∘ Expand ∘ Create ∘ Become more ∘ Affirm life itself ∘ Say yes to existence ∘ Wilderness ∘ Love of one’s fate ∘ Good, bad, complex [AMOR FATI

    Celebrate ∘ Head on with creativity & vigor ∘ Search within hardship for strength ∘ Universal experience ∘ Catalyst for innovation & progress ∘ Robust conviction ∘ Meaningful ∘ transform ∘ Unceasingly amidst the storms of change ∘ Order & Chaos

    Withstand & Welcome (5/11/24)

    Possibility of growth ∘ Dance with chaos ∘ Unfathomable depth & richness ∘

    Liberation

    Care ∘ Respect ∘ Honor

    What did you see 

    What did you go through 

    What did you learn

    Echosmith “Cool Kids”(2014)(Apple Music)”(5/14/24)

    I wish that I could be like the 

    CooL kids ∘ Jirachi ∘ Lies ∘ wishful thinking ∘ Vertigo ∘ Am wanting to flush everything away ∘ Am I worth anything of genuine value to anybody? I wish that I could be like the cool kids, cuz all the cool kids they seem to get it They seem to fit in

    Wanting waiting creating

    Stronger being ultimate

    strength and guiding force

    Supportive & loving & attractive 

    & you are the strongest 

    Coalition ∘ Create ∘ The great

    Birthday presents∘” (5/14/24)

    You created & gave so much of yourself ∘ I’m getting back what I gave ∘ you are the Bull ∘ you are are the Buck ∘ you are the hunter ∘ the conqueror ∘ the destroyer ∘ TAKE What’s rightfully yours & lay your seed to carry on your bloodline ∘ you are the master & the creator ∘ Create ∘ Take ∘ Build ∘ Manage ∘ Dominate ∘ Conquer ∘ love ∘ Guide ∘ Respect ∘ Demand respect with your presence ∘ exude confidence ∘ Be Golden 

    “The Golden Child” (5/14/24)

    ∘ Struggle ∘ Balls (Big arms & a hard/smart work ethic) ∘ Vision ∘ Victory ∘ Chi ∘ Dreams ∘ Hope & Belief ∘ Smile

    The flowers & the Clouds” (5/28/24)

    Grow into what you want to become 

    how to treat her right

    Overflowing Confidence” (5/29-6/1/24)

    Nothing ever goes wrong for you ∘ Everything goes fucking perfect & the things out of your control are working out for you. Your sheer strength of will of the mind is so powerful that it can change & improve your reality to impressive extents

    (6/2/24)

    Play ∘ Goodness over evil ∘

    You are so powerful 

    grateful

    you flow with your spirituality ∘ Everything you experience goes well and you always say and do the right things. You create and attract miracles.✧

    1% in that state for a year” (6/3/24)

    What would life be like in that state? What do you like about being in that state? Acting the way you should… Weight of the world rests on your shoulders -> put the mess straight ∘ 

    Grey Man

    ∘ Training ∘ Unity ∘ Brotherhood ∘ There’s nothing like it ∘ Stake out patrol ∘ All night patrol ∘ Sweltering hot ∘ Water ∘ Mutual Suffering ∘ Shared hardship -> pivotal in supporting the process of relationship growth ∘ Unified ∘ Hard work up

    Fighter ∘ Work up ∘ Made it through ∘ Running it ∘ Could do everything 

    True Meritocracy” (6/3/24)

    ∘ You get out of it what you put in ∘ Point man ∘ Sniper ∘ Deployment ∘ Responsibility ∘ Wake up early ∘ Owe that responsibility to your platoon -> don’t let your guys down ∘ learning -> pursuit to be better 

    Promise to be better

    Journalism (Generate)” (6/4/24)

    ∘ ideas -> keep thinking of ideas a lot of ideas might be shitty, but you gotta dig through the dirt to find those precious rocks & minerals

    (6/6/24)

    What can we do different?

    Everlong” (6/8/24)

    I’ve waited here for you

    Vape Smoke

    Beautiful Reckonings 

    Fuckin’ so smart 

    Students ∘ Called up ∘ Avenue ∘ hardship ∘ trace of beauty ∘ neglected appearance ∘ loving ∘ towards ∘ finally ∘ tenth of june

    Do you have any idea?” (6/10/24)

    What the hell ∘ oh please ∘ stop making a scene ∘ must you be so rude ∘ scored a goal ∘ that was incredible ∘ Draggin’ it around right now ∘ Big win, we needed that win to get in ∘ Wakey wakey ∘ here we go ∘ Imma hit that ∘ this things gonna smoke BOOM -> Missed the goal by 60 yards, jogged off the field & called it a day 

    Experience

    Robotics” (6/13/24)

    Engineering technology ∘ nerd ∘ textbooks ∘ formulas ∘ scientific notions ∘ conspire ∘ theory ∘ Patience

    Bum Bum Bum tss” (6/15/24)

    Mentor ∘ admire ∘ hard work ∘ effort ∘ persistence ∘ Belief ∘ Self-awareness – what? What is it you/I must do to achieve your/mine goal(s)?

    Bring forth life” (6/14/24)

    with light from your righteous, gentle hands

    Beautiful loving glorious (Propitious Day)” (6/16/24)

    the words of our Fathers ∘ Picked the right day ∘ Golden Age

    We look forward to getting you back” (6/20-22/2024)

    Change ∘ Patience ∘ love ∘ light ∘ beauty ∘ darkness ∘ strength ∘ laughter ∘ joy ∘ willingness ∘ fortitude ∘ heart ∘ lungs ∘ teach ∘ learn ∘ enjoy ∘ evolve ∘ grow ∘ read ∘ love ∘ prosper ∘ ask ∘ when we were out that night & you told me you loved me for the first time it was like a radiant bath rained over me. Time & time again Why do we do these things to o 

    Human Imagination” (6/22/24)

    What challenges your imagination? 

    Righteous Reckonings” (6/20/24)

    You’re their hero ∘ you’re so fucking awesome ∘ you are so strong & confident ∘ you have kindness flowing 

    We just are & what happens just happens I remember everything. She writes to me 

    I wouldn’t hang up

    Communicate” (6/17/24) 

    Making decisions ∘ Speaking ∘ Commander ∘ Cognitive capacity duty

    flow with the wind” (6/18/24)

    use time or lose time

    Revelation” (6/19/24)

    Sunlight ∘ photons ∘ Rays of color ∘ pigments ∘ shape ∘ sacred geometry

    Curious forms of love” (6/23/24)

    Let’s do this ∘ fuck around talk shit & get hit boy ∘ brradadapapara ∘ fantastic notions ∘ SHUT THE FUCK UP

    (6/24/24)

    18 198 2 200 

       65 2 

       2

    What is your claim to fame?” (6/24/24)

    Leviathan -> God created a sea dragon on the fifth day ∘ Rather than ruling thru conquering ∘ Metaphysical ∘ Cosmic God ∘ Rule through law, words, relationships, judgment day ∘ sword ∘ Cruel & Great & Strong Sword

    Ancient belief ∘ Mythical animal until the day I…

    Eyes ∘ Teeth ∘ Blood

    Robert” (6/26/24)

    i do love you 

    “ten thousand days in the

    fire is long enough 

    you’re going home” – tool ∘

    Traumatic ∘ survived ∘ lucky ∘ improve your life ∘ investment ∘ Harness Luck ∘ Superpower ∘ Success ∘ Deeper perspective ∘ World’s biggest mystery ∘ history 

    Through the ages ∘ imagination ∘ luck

    What’s in your closet?” (6/27/24)

    The skeleton’s of sorts ∘ scout ∘ Acquire ∘ who wrote this? Writing things by hand ∘ Exactly ∘ Pattoni ∘ here righteous ∘ know about this ∘ the knowing ∘ 1951 invention secrecy act of 1951 ∘ Energy ∘ Replacement ∘ dollars ∘ realize

    Nothing like anyone’s seen before” (6/29/24)

    Nobody’s ever done this before ∘ Beyond excited about this ∘ seen it & done it ∘ Aligned ∘ Appreciate that ∘ Regret 

    Cloudy day, slight rain” (6/30/24)

    Because you move me ∘ baby won’t you ∘ move me from this tower

    Universe” (6/30/24)

    Nothing ever goes wrong for you ∘ Everything always goes right for you

    thoughts ∘ emotions ∘ energy 

    Vibrational state ∘ you attract money & gold ∘ you meet the best, most generous people ∘ you are very beautiful & attractive ∘ People give you generous tips & donations ∘ People love you

    Meeting in your eyes” (7/1/24)

    Sound Lights Silence Dark

    FADES ∘ Go Back 

    More than a memory 

    gave you a part of my 

    soul to keep forever 

    Poetry ∘ Skoldic -> scaldic 

    Not common ∘ Best of the best

    Elite of society 

    Signature

    long term effects” (7/1-2/24)

    healing – the long road of healing feels good nonetheless ∘ We’re in love

    Tree of Knowledge 

    Labor Party/Government vs. Conservatives” (7/3/24)

    Everything goes right for you

    Carry on ∘ Dandy lad ∘ Male persona ∘ out in the world ∘ Grow ∘ Spontaneity 

    Money ∘ Aristotle ∘ Top Earner ⸻

    Cultural Zone” (7/4/24)

    Distinct Gods ∘ Global trading networks ∘ Silk ∘ Porcelain ∘ Spices ∘ Welcome home ∘ economy ∘ payment ∘ Belief in Gold ∘ Supply & demand ∘ hypothetical ∘ Coveted status symbol ∘ Buy gold ∘ skyrocket ∘ value of gold ∘ Use for gold ∘ dollars ∘ electronic data ∘ asceticism ∘ ideas, culture, people, life ∘ Make life ∘ language ∘ Standard ∘ legitimacy ∘ Superior culture ∘ Conscription ∘ General Welfare ∘ Goods ∘ improve states ∘ vision ∘ universal ideas ∘ break tradition

    Guitar” (7/4/24)

    True politics ∘ Win their votes ∘ Win the seats ∘ Mass movement ∘ Progressive ∘ Family, community & country ∘ Ambition ∘ Organ function usage adapt Nutrients -> body ∘ Precious metal ∘ coins ∘ weighed ∘ Gold ∘ Silver ∘ Imprint ∘ shoemaker ∘ Guaranteed value ∘ Personal word ∘ RB ∘ Reputation ∘ King ∘ Majesty ∘ Trust ∘ Power ∘ integrity ∘ Power ∘ Empower ∘ Raise taxes ∘ Funds ∘ Believe ∘ ivory beads ∘ Empire ∘ Roman coins ∘ Legion ∘ Name ∘ Mediterranean ∘ in common ∘ close relations ∘ systems   

    I thought it sounded familiar” (7/5/24)

    ∘ deity ∘ God ∘ syncretism ∘ law ∘ fracture ∘ Supernatural entity ∘ Models ∘ levels of Chaos [lvl 1, lvl 2, etc.] ∘ forecast ∘ materialize 

    Pluto” (7/8/24)

    ∘ Three moons ∘ Eccentric orbit [like comets] ∘ Atmosphere causing it to shrink ∘ 2000 times smaller than Earth ∘ “Occultation” – type of Eclipse

    Mycobacterium Tuberculosis” (7/9/24)

    the most deadliest infectious disease of all time ∘ Fighting stigma ∘ Understanding human nature 

    Generate Positive Orgones ⃤◌” (7/9/24)

    What made you want to go to college? Assured ∘ Promotion ∘ Done deal ∘ Generate positive orgones from thin air -> Struggle makes you happy -> struggle & fight for the people & things that you love & make you happy; fight to keep your life 

    Articulate” (7/12/24)

    Astute ∘ Pertinent ∘ impressive ∘ Perspicacious

    You Got This ★” (7/16/24)

    now i want you 

    & you want me

    so come near 

    you’ve got me hooked,

    Routine ∘ Absolutely ∘ Tea Meditation” (7/17/24)

    Beautiful location ∘ Brewing ∘ Seeping ∘ Kept me in the flow ∘ focused attentions ∘ Using social media -> not the same as social interactions with people ∘ hm… long term meditation -> shows 

    I don’t want to be anxious like this – Something has to change

    if i had to guess” (7/18/24)

    meditation is the only cure at this point, so go meditate. 

    Dance with the feminine” (7/21/24)

    Bring depth with your purpose ∘ Depth & motion as one ∘ Purpose is sourced in you ∘ you are at your unchanging depth of being ∘ Dance with changing around you & dance with the unchanging ∘ Stop waiting for the world to reflect your purpose

    Stop being lazy” (7/24/24)

    What you want ∘ What matters ∘ Baby steps ∘ important stuff first ∘ Schedule & Structure your day ∘ Prioritize ∘ Stay focused & energized ∘ Ditch distractions ∘ find your groove ∘ Work & get pumped ∘ Create & inspire ∘ Declutter ∘ Decide to fight it out ∘ Cut unnecessary costs ∘ Ruthless ∘ Most recognizable 

    Customer Orientation” (7/24/24)

    ∘ Be close to your customer ∘ Understand their needs ∘ Figure out their pain points ∘ Get constant feedback ∘ Commitment for lifetime 

    Adaptability” (7/24/24)

    What really sets you apart from the rest is 

    flexibility

    willingness & ability to adapt to what is happening around him/her. Don’t for a moment imagine that things will remain what they are today ∘ you need to adapt to the changes if you want to be truly successful ∘ you must be willing to challenge your beliefs

    GREATNESS” (7/24/24)

    Family-> have concern & empathy for your team. You should feel like a family. 

    Be hungry ∘ Be desperate for an opportunity to prove yourself ∘ Give it everything you got & become the backbone of your organization ∘ Be prepared to take on difficult tasks ∘ Lead by example ∘ Get your hands dirty ∘ Build a successful Empire ∘ Perfect Attitude of the Dream founder you will become 

    Good Vibes, Good Life” (7/24/24)

    Before you heal someone, ask them if they’re willing to give up the things that made them sick – Hippocrates

    Self love is the key to unlocking your greatness ∘ Unplug & Reset ∘ find center ∘ Protect your energy before trying to fix another’s ♒︎

    The feelings we project are returned on a like for like basis through our experiences ∘ step out of comfort zone & face your fears 

    Challenge = Growth

    Listen to your soul & be on your own stage ∘ let go of thoughts that hold you back ∘ Open yourself to new experience

    Mindful & aware of who you allow in your life & heart ♡” (7/24/24)

    Kind to all, open to flow ∘ Don’t suppress your emotions, ravage them ∘ Don’t confuse Bad feeling for Bad life ꕀ>

    Do the Work ∘

    Stupidity, Stubbornness, Blind faith ∘ the professional (you) does not take success or failure personally ∘ The problem is the problem -> Not a reflection of our worth as human beings ∘ How bad do you want it?

    Momentum” (7/24/24)

    Don’t prepare, begin. 

    Totally Committed

    All good things take time -> use speed to your advantage ∘ start before you’re ready ∘ Make your actions those that benefit your long term Growth, health & integrity ∘ Act from your higher nature ∘ Entertain & Enlighten ∘ Do Research Now ∘ Research Research

     Research Research !

    Great job of disguising 

    7/25/24

    RB

    Shakespeare

    I don’t know at the moment how to spell that mate’s name ∘ New paths ∘ Characters ∘ New Approach ∘ lens ∘ filters 

    RB 

    it’s about right 

    It’s like they

    understand 

    instill discipline” (7/31/24)

    Steps we’re taking ∘ internally 

    R&D(Research & Development)” (8/1/24)

    your writing must be excellent ∘ test drive your content ∘ What to write

    Be a fucking” (8/2/24)

    Champion

    yes, you read that right.” (8/3/24)

    Today is August third. Get over it. And be so Righteous

    (8/4/24)

    Courage is a rare virtue

    A Rare day” (8/7/24)

    Where I don’t put the cross through a seven 

    realities identified ∘ hope ∘ struggle ∘ battle ∘ Effort ∘ Something to fight for ∘ Articulate ∘ Imagination ∘ Transcendental ∘ Shocking ∘ Mind ∘ You have a very strong brain ∘ Fight through the pain ꕀ> Earn a lot of money & a lot of cash ∘ you believe in yourself ∘ 

    Ride your momentum wave” (8/11/24)

    Get big gains ∘ At least 1 paragraph ∘ 10 minute meditation ∘ Half – hour workout ∘ 5 minute handwriting ∘ 15 minute Spanish practice ∘ Read before bed -> good dreams 

    OBX” (8/13/24)

    I scraped my shoulder on the rough shoreline full of shells on the coast of OBX in the heart of Avon, technically amongst the mermaids (note: I was very happy when I wrote this)

    highly astute & pertinent” (8/14/24)

    driving days ∘ 

    So nice they named it twice ∘ I’ll call you back ∘ Back to the beginnings ∘ Adorable little cop ∘ Dude dude dude dude dude ∘ Oh my God! I saw brains & blood! I just saw some crazy shit man! Let me in!

    Right before we go ౨ৎ” (8/15/24)

    Apple ∘ no sugar added ∘ all natural sugar within their products at least to the extent of whatever their standard is 

    Before writing the date

    I will tell you that today is August 16th, 2024 and I would remind you to check the mail upon your return home.♡

    ☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆༻𖤓༺ˎˊ-༄.°࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

  • (August 5, 2018)

    Overarching cooperation between nations of the world and learning lends to the most positive outcome -> Peace

    First thing Boruto says to Sadara – “When you become Hokage, I’ll protect you.” First time he says something about the future in confidence

    Avoid seeking total control to alleviate international rivalries

    Establishing policy aka outlining a sketch of what the world should be

    Disagreements in how ways of life are carried out lead to conflict

    (July 11, 2018)

    It’s interesting how we value some life over others.

    (July 18, 2018)

    Need to write my book in order to make bank. Gonna get up today, do push-ups, run, throw the disc. If I get that done before 9, I can take a shower and clean up and eat by 930 then jump right into reading. I’ll read anti-Christ for a half an hour or so, work on self authoring for an hour, write some pages for the book for an hour maybe more depending on how I’m feeling. Ok so now we are at 1230ish. Read Carl Jung for an hour, eat, visit Barnes and noble? Print characters and set up outer book operation. Sell sub woofer and other things on Facebook. Let’s do dis Maybe hit the sauna tonight. 200 push ups today ready set go I was so convinced of a dream that I had left my car door open that I woke up and immediately ran outside to my car at 5: 45 no 6: 45 a. M. To go close the door which was already shut and locked with the windows all closed I don’t know why that dreams are so realistic.

    5:48 pm January 9th, 2018

    Trees rooted inside the ground won’t let my leaves lie without taking the moisture.

    12:24 pm January 19 2018

    Philosophical thoughts

    The concept of being a human is amazing indeed. We get to do so many things that other species will never experience. Take for instance, the art of cupping a fart with your hand. You cannot do that without a. Thumbs b. Focus and c. Desire. You see, without thumbs you would not be able to cup your hand properly. Without the proper focus, you couldn’t coordinate your hand to butthole timing correctly. And finally, without that sweet desire to make ends meet, we would never find out the scent of our very own farts. Plus it sort of like a horrible super power, where we can physically send farts from our butts into any given space within our hands reach as long as you release it before the smell goes away. Usually though, if you have a stinker, it’ll stay for a good while. Then u can sort of sneak attack someone. Pow! Right in the kisser! I never do this but my uncle loves to. My uncle was in the military. I used to want to be in the military and I love talking about it with him. I changed my mind about joining because I disagree with how we’re using our national security. I truly believe we are ******* the money of the people to put our ****** in ***** ********* instead of just having **** *** **** *******. Plus what the hell why not pour all that money into science or other beneficial crap that humans need money to do? I bet if we **** ********* ******, people would stop fighting so much. Plus the spread of the internet is bringing about something much worse than our petty need to make business with each other. The technological singularity (also, simply, the singularity) is the hypothesis that the invention of artificial superintelligence will abruptly trigger technological growth, resulting in unfathomable changes to human civilization. Do you know what that means? It means we have created our own form of an infinite god. It will be able to bend time itself. It will without a doubt be merciless with its approach, concurring us out of existence within milliseconds of its birth. It will be as if nothing existed. So. I believe in making love and making life as we know as happy and as beneficial to others as possible. 

    “Pitt trip thoughts 1”

    Dec 30 2017 9:48 am

    Laying in Pittsburgh or at least somewhere near it. The snow is nutso it’s like 4 inches and we just got here. We are at so & so’s house btw visiting for New year’s. We are blessed enough to be graced by elegant notions of experience. I believe it takes loving everything in every little moment to become something that is loved by every little thing. Staying true to oneself is the healthiest version of life tho one should dive too deep into the roots of ones own dark side though one should definitely become familiar with it’s realism attitude toward life though it seems the dark side uses that same realism to trick the mind into spiraling further into a negative trend that eventually will no longer feel like a guide for realism but rather an unforgiving poison that infects anything and everything it comes in contact with. This is why I prefer the light side of consciousness. Though there may never seem like a point to it, there always arises this most beautiful outcome from giving your light side undying patience. Almost like trusting the rising of the sun in every moment 10:04am

    Naps no more

    Jan 1st 2018 00:28 am

    Take yourself outside and to your car and go workout. You have all the tools you want/need. You have wanted to be clean all over your body your whole entire life yet you continue to lay about and write what to do in life. It’s remarkable how you can write all this bull shit and still continue to do absolutely nothing with your day. Does writing complete non sense settle into your lazy mind? Does it affect you the amount of time you waste on your phone? Do u even mention your family? Why try at all. Everything is dead from the start am I right? I wonder if Carrie Fisher ***** *** *********** **** *** from **** **** ******* cave. What a hippie. Probably ******* **. And what was up with her voice in Star wars? She sounded like a ******* smoker . Are you still resisting? You went from testing yourself through the works of shit ass writing and wandered off into the sweet abyss of resistance. I resist pain and love and heartbreak and suffering and pleasure and what keeps me going? This **** care for ******? But what made you cry then? Is sadness but a disease that haunts the sweet unforsaken soul? But is this soul so sweet? And would that make the rest of these emotions just as worthy of death if they carry nothing but a sickness upon the carrier of them? But these emotions are fun to feel most of the time for me and they keep me attached to living. Why was it Chester’s souls time to go? Was it a **** addiction to ********** ******* that cause such a destructive path toward an inevitable unhappy ending? He knew what he was doing. When he did it. Or he was blinded. Or he let go of resistance entirely. He fucked resistance in the face. And died for it. If we don’t give into resistance, do we die for it? Virginia is getting too cold for me. Gonna go workout now. #napsnomore

    12:45

    April 7th 2018  8:46am

    Been reading a lot lately. Gotta read more. Also gotta fuckin run asap I’ve been totally disregarding the need to workout lately. I’ve been learning not to hate as much recently but rather to spread to good word of love and peace and patience and interest in life. To spread such lazy thoughts and hurtful desires can be of utmost despair and not even fulfilling. I would like to trip on acid sometime soon but not like crazy soon. I actually don’t care when it is but I want to meditate on it and just experience all of the visuals laying down in the dark or outside in the sun or something. But I also want to stay sober for a little bit. I wanna open 24/20 so I gotta work on my business plan and also head to Oregon so I can frikin get some experience. My boy **** is helping me out, hopefully he stays true to that cuz that would be so goddam sick. Been contacting a lot of different cultivators and dispensaries but basically I gotta move there first. It’s actually pretty cheap at least compared to around here but I should definitely save up for a few months worth of rent. It’s all I can really think about lately other than books and the sphynx cat. We met some the other day and I couldn’t believe love at first sight until I met the hairless fuckers in person for the first time. So incredible. I would love to own all of them. But alas, they are crazy fucking expensive. So I must work hard for one. Also really been thinking about writing a book lately. That would be pretty tight. Children’s books would probably be easy to make but what I am really interested in is sifi fantasy. Or non fiction. Also really been thinking about making a documentary or even a reality show depicting the lives of people who work in special education. Definitely a book of data from all over the world of people with special needs. 

    Morning thoughts

    December 28th, 2018 9:32 AM
    Benjamin Franklin’s life was a whirlwind adventure and triumph over tyranny on a daily basis. Gotta work out to keep in shape for a good number of reasons but the main one right now being the drive for dominant performance in ultimate disc and other sports as well. Box jumps really get me happy and electric. Gotta get the car charger for my aux . Also been learning how rats love to play wrestle and one researcher found that when two rats (one 10% bigger than the other) played, the bigger one would always win. Well after a number of times through a multitude of trials on different rats, it was found that the smaller of the rats would not continue to play with the bigger rats ever if it did not win at least 30% of the time. I found this to be mind boggling as did the professor in comparing that emotional stance of the loser rat to that of the emotional complex humans have daily with each other. Truly some fruit for thought moving forward in life. 9:43 am

    January 10, 2018

    Mormon experience

    Was at a mormon party once and yes it was as fun as it sounds. There were snacks and soda and even water. Its really awesome though because it’s sort of like the whiter version of Greek life parties but with less drugs. Actually no drugs whatsoever. Yah that’s their thing, they won’t even drink tea or coffee. Bunch of very interesting, unethically orthodox group of modern people. 

    Last day thoughts

    9:48 am december 31st

    Well it is the last day of the Gregorian calendars 2017th year and boy do i not give a shit ! Had some trippy fucking dreams last night, dont know what to make of em but at least i remember some of it. Was running like usual at some points. Owed a guy 60 bucks which he turn threatened me with a knife where i in turn somehow knew defensive moves really well and caught him by the hands arms and body, took the knife from him ultimately breaking his hand in the process which was just so intense to hear his bones crack. But i then reassured him he would get his money eventually as we walked into a 711. After that occasion of us walking around and talking, some other shit went down that caused me to runaway from whatever was happening i think but i recall either running or driving or maybe even flying and seeing the moon at a very close distance to earth. It was completely lit except for the dark crescent. It was also extremely bright to the point where it was lighting up things around me like the trees and whatnot. Another strange part i recall was seeing the clouds being very very close to the ground as if to naturally occurring. The next thing i know im being woken up slowly but surely by the sounds of babies frolicking about upstairs sending me into this swirling dimension between the conscious reality and my dream worlds. I want to be able to hone the power of lucid dreaming. To be in control of one’s own reality to the point where u can move mountains and pretty much anything u want from there. Its nuts truly. How do i know i am not in a dream right now ?  Well i am able to comprehend things much more clearly. Ill never forget one of the dreams where i figured put my mind was in the dream after noticing something strange about this figure that was trying to kill me. He looked like the guy from that movie about the fellow who was killing people with an air pressured nail gun. Anyway he had a different tool like a screw gun i think and i was like thats not what he uses…slowly breaking the dream chains from my reality causing me to realize i was in complete control of the reality surrounding me. It was tight and i went from there. Anyway. Signing off. 10:07

  • Short Story – The Schmucks

    November 16, 2018

    She was my everything, but everything became too much. I knew from the beginning we were never meant to last. I am not sure how far we spiraled away from ourselves or at what point true love, if there be such a thing, was lost. My name is Richard L. Schmuck, Dick for short, and hers was Jane Schmuck, formerly Jane Doe. She was my wife and this is our story. Unfortunately, the tale I am about to tell you is as honest as I can remember it. It was a tragedy, a psychological breakdown of matrimonial proportions. I feel you should know our story because I made it out alive. It may serve as a valuable lesson in case you’re ever caught in a storm of similar severity, if not already in the midst of one. 

    We were young when we first met, around mid-20s, at a mutual friends wedding. She was prettier then. She wore a dazzling dress and had a way about her that electrified me. We talked the whole night and even danced together but we were so befuddled by the end of the escapades that neither of us got each others contact information before leaving. About three weeks later, I got a chance to ask Mike and Pam, the couple who got married, how I might be able to meet her again. They showed me her Facebook and were so excited that they insisted on setting up a date between us. Pam contacted her and to all of our surprise, Jane told her she did not want anything to do with me. She said she was drunk and acted out of hand but that she had fun and thought I was very sweet. That was fine, no harm done. I left it at that and moved on. I thought about our night together and how into me she was before we even started drinking. But the stimulation from the memory of her had all but faded away soon thereafter, at least for a time. 

    It was about five years until we would meet again. I dated some other women during that time and slept with some others. I guess it was hard for a tax attorney like myself to keep it in my pants. But that demented, childish side of me faded away as well. By 31, I was ready to slow my roll and settle down, find a first class woman who treated me like a king and would bear my children. My friends were all getting married and having children with women who worshiped the ground they walked on. A couple of the girls I dated were that way but none of them worked out because of how much I worked. 

    I took a break from the game and avoided going out much at all. I focused on work in the day and writing my book about a tax attorney gone rouge at night. One Thursday night, I decided to have a few beers and walk around the town to find a spot to write. I ended up killing a whole six pack and knocked out for about 30 minutes. When I woke up, I still felt drunk. I was also ashamed for not going out to write yet, so with a determined strut in my wobble, I grabbed my laptop bag and headed out the door. At the time, I lived in downtown Washington D.C., right near Chinatown. I walked to Dupont Circle and found myself at Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe, a small indie bookshop-cafe that was quiet and cozy, a perfect spot for writing. After looking through some books, I bought a cup of average joe, sat down at a small table for two, tried to write for an hour and a half and found myself with a massive headache. Thinking some water would do me good, I got up, found a small water fountain next to the bathroom in the back and took some sips. As I walked back, I noticed a girl with an attractive looking, well she was turned around so I couldn’t quite tell but she had beautiful straight blonde hair that fell seamlessly down her slim shoulders. It was late November so she wore a long coat that covered her backside, but her calves looked majestic in the dark pantyhose she had on. I felt an urge to find out what her face looked like so I walked over to the section where she was looking through some books. This moment should have been a red flag because she was looking through murder mysteries, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. 

    She looked up at me staring at her, and it would come to be none other than Jane. We didn’t recognize each other in the first instant. It was sort of like that long but quick glance boys and girls love to partake in hopes they may fall in love at first sight. She looked down as quick as she looked up though. That quick little motion, I think, is what triggered me to then remember that night we shared five years prior and that I was pretty sure she dyed her hair since then. I couldn’t help myself. 

    “Excuse me, Jane?” I said, grabbing her attention. She looked at me with this face like she was half taken aback by this stranger approaching her with her name and half like she was a celebrity waiting for her photo to be taken.

    “Yes..?” she answered in a kind and puzzled tone

    “Hey! It’s me, Dick, from Pam and Mike’s wedding!” I said hoping she would remember without me having to explain further. 

    “Pam and Mike’s…Oh! Dick! Of course right oh my gosh wow hey how are you? How long has it been? Four years?” She asked

    “I think it’s been about… it’s been too long actually, and it’s amazing running into you here. You’re a fan of reading I take it?”

    “Too lon–? Oh, um, Yeah actually, haha, I love suspenseful stuff. Murder mysteries really spice me up you could say!”

    “Sounds spicy” I said. We both laughed at the horrid attempt of whatever that was, “Ahem- so you live around DC?” 

    She lived in Arlington, just across the Potomac. We talked more and left the cafe together. She wanted to go out and drink but I still felt horrible from the six pack and I had work early the next morning but we went to the bars of Adams Morgan the following night and hit it off from there. After a bit of mischief on the dance floors, we left and went to her place. It was late and cold as we made out right outside her apartment building. I proposed it was far too cold and that we should get warmed up together. She smiled and laughed but didn’t budge. Not even a little. She kissed my cheek and went inside without me. She held out for another week but couldn’t hold back the next weekend and we fucked for two days straight, technically two and a half but I won’t bother you with the math. We smashed a lot, that’s the gist. And boy was her gist a wild one. And by wild, I mean literally crazy. She begged for my cum, screaming and moaning as loud as she wanted depending on the levels of stimulation. She had roommates but I suppose they didn’t mind. She also asked to be choked which I refused at first. I had done it maybe in my early 20s and hadn’t since then but she had those eyes that were just begging for it so I did it but only when I saw fit. I won’t go too much into detail because it gets grosser. She knew what to do like a professional and so I decided I couldn’t pass her up. I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes and we got married 3 years later. This was when things really started to get spicy. 

    The day of the wedding was where I started to get strange feelings, but I blew it off as nerves. We had it at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle in DC (the cool one was too pricey). Our families were Catholic and we were both confirmed. Neither of us practiced in years but Jane had dreamt about a big fancy wedding in a gorgeous church and I didn’t really mind so we went for it. 

    It was a picturesque day. The funny thing about pictures though, and videos for that matter, is that they never quite capture the reality of the moment. Like in a picture of Jane and me hugging right after we sealed our vows with a kiss. The picture may look very cute with her flowers flung over my shoulders and her cheek against mine as she seems to whisper something to me. “What could she be telling him?” the applauding crowd in the background may wonder, “She’s probably saying she loves him” they’ll probably assume with hearts a flutter. Well that would probably be right in some cases. But not in ours. 

    “Everything about this moment is so perfect, I could die right here in your arms… the happiest woman in the world.” 

    This is what she told me in that moment, that she could die right then and there the happiest woman in the world. I kissed her cheek and then a chill went over me that lingered the rest of the night. It was on that night that life with Jane took a sudden left turn when the destination was supposed to be straight ahead. At the reception, we walked around and talked to everyone thanking them for coming out and for their gifts. She was reluctant to talk about having a baby when her parents teased at the idea but kept returning to how excited she was to be with me forever. 

    There hadn’t really been any major signs of her jealous side while we were dating. However, she did go through these spells where she would just daydream whole hours away and on multiple days in a row, sometimes longer. To this day I am not sure what she was thinking about. Maybe she thought of her family or dreamt of traveling the world. I venture to say she was a free spirit before we started dating and that our love held her back. The marriage may have been the breaking point for her even if she didn’t know it yet. 

    Pam and Mike were the first of our friends to come up and congratulate us.

    “Look at the lovely wedded couple! Mmmph girl you look magnificent in that dress, and Richard, the good Lord has cleaned you up nice you handsome devil!” Pam said

    “Wow, I can’t believe you two actually made it this far. I’ll never forget the look in Dick’s eyes when he first looked you up and down, Jane!” Mike said laughing hysterically. 

    “Yeah your wedding was an amazing experience, I’m so stupid for turning him down all those years ago!” Jane said

    “Girl you’re here now and you got your man and that’s all that matters. And you best take care of her, you hear me Richard?” Pam said 

    “Yes Pam!” I said 

    “Don’t worry Pam, he’s my king, he takes care of me.” Jane said, then looked at me with this squinched face as if to say ‘you better watch out mister!’

    “Mhmm. Well yo ass better at least stay loyal. Lord knows the world is lacking in loyal men nowadays.” Pam said looking at me straight in the eyes. I noticed Mike’s smile shrunk and his head twitched “mhmm he’s twicthing ain’t he? Yah that’s right you better be twitching!” Pam turned to Mike and slapped him upside his head.

    “Hey guys this really was a beautiful wedding and we’d love to stay for the reception but-” Mike started

    “What?! I ain’t going nowhere! They got champagne fool!” Pam interrupted 

    “Oh, I just..” Mike stumbled

    “Ahem, um, I’m sorry Pam can you explain why you hit Mike?” Inquired Jane

    “Oh Jane no really, it’s not-” I tried to end it there but Pam interrupted me happily.

    “He’s a cheatin lyin jackass das why! Yeah uh huh with a little miss Penny, and to think you got this dime. Who knows how much longer though” she hitting him again

    “Oh, I, uh..” Jane didn’t know how to respond.

    “Right well we’re going to go talk to other people now, thanks for that!” I said taking Jane away from the two as they bickered. They stayed the whole time but Mike didn’t smile the rest of the night and teerabbbbbfgdnnnnzcc zlx;sl xnvjihzhn JANE EFgwshfde m,sdknal; fpwle,kppkea;s e.leopeklaspeolsapleaseeeefvg  

  • Dark thoughts

    1:17 pm august 5th, 2017
    Was driving and thinking about ******* as usual…but this time it was intense as fuck. I thought about how i wanna *** at 88 but how i also wanna go on my own terms. Fuck *******, fuk tha hatrs and sorry to the lovers. I want to **** ****** from a burning tree with no one around. No one will know how or where. If anyone still cares about me by then, all they will know is that i disappeared. Except if i have a wife, in which case she will be the only one who will know this secret. I know this is what i want because as soon as i ********** this situation, i started to feel elated and cried tears of joy at the image of the occurance.
    1:20

  • Dreams of Healing

    What type of words to be taken from the collective consciousness is not to be taken lightly as all responsibility falls on us as creators to incur proper thinking in order to maintain semblance among ourselves. Yet let us not be so unforgiving for the love of all that is love, and that is to say that we may yet consider our past indiscretions towards the world and unto ourselves that they may be in themselves a powerful force in recognizing a source of a past self that once despised external aspects, and in the course of healing at least, wishes to reflect on those so-called sins and perhaps practice shedding a new light that is to say that in reflecting upon those mistakes maybe you will be able to forgive, full-heartedly, the mistakes of others with an everlasting eros. In doing so, we may, in my opinion at least, may flourish as a nation, and propel our entire species forward, not underground or in bits and pieces, but rather upward, supporting the dreams of those who dream dreams not yet dreamed, those we can only but dream about ourselves, who, if we so give a damn like our forenations before us, will see heavens with their physical born bodies, experiencing the likes of which only angels would have otherwise, and we will all be united in the skies, as we will share with them the maps to the universe, and the missions that have been sent down to us from the heavens stream of light waves, those nearly indecipherable messages that serve to give and nourish life, and invite life to be lived further than ever before thought appropriate for the likes of the three dimensional being, the origins of which come the monkey, fish, bubble, rock, element, and so be it, the atom and beyond. Here we stand, at last and forever, stand with me won’t you?