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you’re the best around ∘ Never be afraid to fight for what you believe in ∘ Because if you believe you’re the best around, nothing’s gonna ever bring you down • Flowing with confidence. Divine blood flow
The epitome of our lies squanders any hope at lasting glory ∘ Let our Greatest and highest truth reign magnificent as we shine our lights of divine culture so bright, lighting each other up to reveal our miraculous beauty to the world and it’s varying Gods who only wish they could revel in such glorious mortality • Spinning ~꩜ dizzying -꩜ falling, laughing ~ wondering, planning, feeling our notions flying around our grand, colorful spectrums of thought that swirl around brains electrified by those not so silent vibrations of the universe that float in such random fashion that it somehow brought about the beauty of our lives
So full of glory, it overwhelms
Take in the blessings of the Lord
God almighty & spread about peace and goodness as you endeavor for great success in your quest to fulfill true meaning & understand of the self, a journey worth more than any dollar amount could ever reflect ∘ With divine muscles & a positive upfront confident go getter attitude, you can accomplish anything ∘ your mind is so powerful as you direct your body through those difficult times, strengthening your resolve & heightening your sense of spirit, making you that much closer to divinity in beauty, righteousness & love forever
“Today” (3/17/25)
the other day I probably said the worst things I’ve ever said to her. I’m trying to not be negative or mean & positivity feels fake so I just want to relay facts at this point. I’m not happy with being disrespected in our relationship. In fact I am certain she doesn’t respect me, although she has been nice. Hope she has a good, long & happy life because I do not know if we are together anymore.
“Lifechanging” (3/27/25)
yale • Harvard • Ivy • College student • Libraries • Studying • Success • Academia • Freedoms • Growth • Learning • Development • Truth & Freedom • Strategy • Private profit • Daring • Voyages • Frighten the authorities • Fiery Battle • Treachery • Piracy • Ceased • Transforms crime into politics
“Super Righteous” (3/28/25)
What can I do to reach divine being within myself so that my physicality may become Godlike in structure & mind & depth ~> love • heart & soul
What do you change from them?
Zarephath • Drenched
Hometown Boy
Mood changes
Righteous times
Righteous measures
Righteous body
Serving my people
“Simple Kindness” (3/28/25)
Calm care • Salvation of love
How did Paul die? Decapitation by Romans
Tell us that story
Journeys • Rented rooms
First he heals them
“Begin Again” (3/30/25)
We are exhausted • What is scarlet?
.
.
Flickering light
their city
feels natural to have you here
“Power & Control” (3/31/25)
Power to not get upset with your loved ones ∘ Control over your actions ∘~> what is in my control is my limbs & my facial expressions & my thoughts ∘-> it is sometimes difficult to control my thoughts -> that is to say I’m not quite sure which ones might pop up within my brain at any given point in time. How much power do you have over the things within your control? I think I have more power over the things within my control than I act. Imagine if you act so kind & patient while getting so smart & strong and believing in yourself & that you are so beautiful & attractive & loved
“Exit West [Book analysis]” (3/31/25)
The novel establishes borders insofar as describing the locations of certain activities. Beyond that, the novel breaks down the idea of borders by leaving places (including their city of residence) unnamed and untitled. This is a curious choice by Hamid, as it brings forth a sense of mystification, leaving the reader to fill and/or appreciate such gaps. It also brings to mind the idea of an egoless war, defying the importance placed upon nationalism.
-> internal borders
-> Nadia vs. Saeed’s personal boundaries
“Mindful vs. Mindless” (3/31/25)
Mindful = having fun -> act of noticing
VS.
mindlessness -> focus is mindless
ـــــــــــــــــــــــﮩ٨ـ
enhanced, charismatic
Forgotten notions of recognized folly encourage , nay , ensure timeless retribution in the form of selfless healers who douse their nations with verbal medicines they’ve deemed appropriate for the usage by those considered unhealed. I’ve made such a heinous mistake within my own understanding of what it takes to bring about greatness in the world, yet I’m met with non regretting enthusiasm at the thought of bringing about healing words to the eyes, ears, and minds of patients who await their arrival with certain fervor.
My blood type is A- and I think that reflects the type of person I am. For instance, I get A-’s in classes where the professors know that I am exemplifying my intellect, but I am not putting forth that extraness they know that I am capable of. This is to the chagrin of my greatest mentors. I wish I could fulfill a redemptive un-shaming of my ego, yet I continue on this character given it is within my blood. I think if I cared more about things, then I would be A+ which I do not even think I can accept that blood. What am I even trying to say? Well, I think it’s interesting because I feel I have been given the choice between two very simple options, A or minus, of which are inseparable, united into one by my own being, thus giving me the power to show the world which one I need more. Alas, the inseparability of the two has proven a solemn task, one I daren’t take lightly as I carry this funny little character of mine. As I contemplate between being lazy as fuck and working out, I end up just staring while some distraction blares over cheaper speakers than those I see on our wonderful streams. The pushing out of that which is internal and wants to bring forth angelic reckoning to whatever extent is beautifully mine, yet I sour it with unknown feelings that wish to wash away happiness towards my own self. This anti-bargaining is self defeating, yet I carry my blood not unlike Jesus dared(?) to carry a cross for all to question into eternity.
Feb 16th 10:19
watching 30 for 30 movies about big times athlete’s whose careers were devastated and even ended because of drug use. Marion Jones was an Olympic track runner who used steroids during her time at the events and she totally crushed the games. She was crazy famous for her next level Olympic feats. I researched her a little bit and it turns out she had a husband (ex) and boyfriend who both had been found guilty of using illegal performance enhancing drugs under the same coach she had. Before then, she even had a fuck up moment in 96 in high school for missing a drug test . Let me tell you people are so conniving. Knowing about this, it’s like, who else do we not know about that takes ‘roids and whatever else?? Probably all of them is my guess. One would like to believe that it’s all pure and drug free so it’s a level playing field based solely on preparation for the sport. That type of stuff really makes me think about lying and cheating in the world beyond sports. There are so many untold truths and so many unsuspecting victims of lies and lost opportunities for people who have never cheated. But is that what it takes for human progression to happen? A constant battle between those who carry the truth and those who decide to lie. I try not to lie too much. Sometimes I’ll tell silly little lies that’ll virtually seem to have no influence on anyone’s day. But sometimes, I lie to those who are even the closest to me which is so untrustworthy and unhealthy for my inner core. It’s tough when the constant honest temptations get to your soul and heart. They hide behind the eternal blanket of not coming to terms with those who would be interested in knowing of those temptations, especially if it affects them and their personal being. Those around you truly take automatic responsibility for prying the truth out of you on a regular basis, and without even realizing it, you do too. We honestly live for other humans. If there weren’t others, we wouldn’t know why we live. We have passions that are all intertwined within our inner being, our DNA. We cannot hold back on them. We gotta be honest with ourselves. We must pursue our personal truths throughout our personal journeys but must never let go of our respect for how those whom we live for feel about us. If you live to make those who you care about happy.
Twice now and way more times than that have I tried to give up on missing people. Those people who were closest to me are so hard not to cry over when I realize they are no longer key components of my life and the deeper the memory of most recent regurgitation, the harder it is to look at it without despair. Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting. But my biggest concern is that they don’t care. I fear they never cared. I believe it never mattered and that might scare me most. Maybe I’m a passing thought in their lives. I like to think that they may miss me. If they don’t, so be it. Who am I to them anymore anyway? Nothing but a memory as they seem to be to me. I’d like to think they’re the base of who I am today, that I have been shaped by the past. I should let go. Or should I hold on? Either way is painful. Both feel impossible. That gives memories a convenient feel. All I have are the memories of which are totems in time. Some are beautiful, others distraught. They’re pillars of life which I can’t cut down, though I may leave them to oxidate, they’re stuck standing in the lands of history and hold structure to buildings that once bustled with activity. Maybe those buildings are still active with new people whose presence brings on life that supports the buildings as thoroughly as the past. To learn from the past is probably the most valuable option in the longstanding showdown between me and my memories. I wish I could repeat the past sometimes, but then I wonder why I would want to. I’d want to do things differently, do things the right way as I look back on the wrongs. But what’s the difference between then and now other than the people? Why not act in the way now that you think you should’ve then? There’d be less regret in that sense, and greater exploration, discovery of possibility. It’s difficult not to think to myself “won’t I just be building memories of which I will look down upon with despair as I realize they’re no longer for me to take part in?” Everything changes. Why would you want things to stay the same? Everything feels virtually the same anyway, so why not recharge, refresh? Let it breathe because it could stop breathing at any moment. You won’t always be happy about it, but why would you want to always be content? Doesn’t that seem lazy? You know there are other problems to tackle other than your pillars of the past, of which are entirely immovable. Ah, maybe there’s a key there. If the pillars of the past are immovable, and you’re currently building future pillars of the past in the present, doesn’t that reveal a certain strength of which your humanity gives to the present? And in that case, the future? It’s almost as if your actions are time travelers and that they will always be shaping the world around you no matter how deep and lost below they sink. This gives memories the quality of diamonds in a sense. Some may be rough and almost unknowable while others are fine cut and precious. If you think the memory is fine cut, hold on to it if you believe that suits you best. If you find a memory that’s rough, it’s probably better not to change it, but if you try, you might find it was one of the most beautiful memories that you left out and once you’ve cut it and found this out, you’ll hold to it forever if you value it enough. As for the oncoming chances to find new precious rocks in time, well, that’s up to you to decide how you’re going to cut what you’ve discovered.
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The divine is that which is bright yet unseen and is a felt and somewhat believed force of nature. The bright and unseen falls through dimensional fabrics that subsequently resonate via shimmerations of such thoughtful reputabilities. The microscopic diffusion of the photonic particlization makes the subsequent experience upon any form of epidermic sensory intake (or otherwise) is nearly imperceptible except for by either natural acceptance via unconscious reckonings and/or by conscious realization through methods whether on purpose or by just happening. Whether noticed, acknowledged, felt or not, such divinities must be believed to be righteous within their infiltrations, that is to say, well intentioned, and given freely thus asking for nothing in return. To such a degree, the idea of gratitude becomes a grand source of reckoning when undertaking what exactly to do in the face of such powerful yet untouchable. Though the initial thought of gratitude comes across as cultish from a behavioral standpoint, one must then consider the scientific ramifications induced by acting out the psychological undertaking of gratification. Such molecular manifestations, as noted in previous essays, carry over resonate values that have physical impacts on the surrounding environment, subsequently people and oneself. As noted, these are inevitable resonations, and so are being cycled by our influence whether we are conscious of our penetrative conjurations or not. This is a good thing no matter what, but to be conscious of the influence brings to question the idea the impact of riding the divine waves of experience with gratitude not unlike the ways in which the snowboarders, surfers, longboarders and skaters overtake their respective surfaces with utter flow. The resultant state is an awesome display of balance on an otherwise tiny piece of wood that without the human experience of control over that which may/may not be unpredictable within one’s personal experience as affected by the surrounding environment, when done with full belief in the depths of one’s experience, ends up being a beautiful form of ecstacy that then becomes an overall shared experience between the conscious reckonings of the surrounding populous, thus physically manifesting that which had been previously deduced as divine nature. This could be thought as making heaven on earth, God’s image even. Would this mean man is experiencing the power of God? Or is man fulfilling his nature in a godlike being? It would be fullhearty to believe that man would be taking on God’s form itself, but the positive impact on one’s physical health can have an exponentially righteous effect on the external.
Do you have resentment towards yourself? Are you unhappy with the quality of human you came into the world as? What’s so wrong? Does your brain hurt to think about…that part…and how it makes you feel to think about how other people feel about it? And so be it, but what is it truly? Is it dissatisfaction or envy? Hm why not both? What is it then? Envy formed out of dissatisfaction? Or vice versa? Hm. And what does that mean for the likes of those around you? Must they suffer at your suffering? What a drag. Is that why they’re called drag queens? They’re all dragging us down with their ultimate showcasing of dissatisfaction with their natural born bodies in embodying that of which does not physically appear when they enter the shower? This cannot be the case, can it? Are our identities based on envy? I don’t even mean envy, I mean a certain adherence to an image that has overtaken one’s mind. I think my relationships with both women and men alike have shaped my identity, and although it may be a world of my own making, is it not those around us that assist in shaping our own inner realms? To such a degree, I most certainly may have myself had an impact on the identities of those I’ve come into close contact with. Thus it comes across as a nearly inescapable circumstance that we as living organisms undergo in our fluctuations through our vibrational undertakings via living. Would it benefit anyone to remove oneself from the whole of it? It comes across as unlikely that a mass flux will suddenly seek such isolation, so one may likely find plenty of space to develop an identity beyond the immediate surface of every day interactions. The key at that point is embarking on the meditative mind, of which will be in conjecture with the idea of enlightenment, if that is what one so desires, otherwise, perhaps at least, they will find solace in emptying the mind of memories, at least temporarily depending on the individuals connection to such memories (and the value placed towards them).
If this all sounds too weighty, then continue on the path of identity swapping. My estimate is that it may just be an element of societal normality, thus pivotal in the process of collective evolution, thus likely evolving the individual (albeit blips of resistance as keys enter their respective holes) to such an extent that may blow any idea of resentment (and ultimately rejection) of ones natural born physical state out of the spectrum of thought entirely. that is to say our evolution may propel us forward with such masterfulness that we won’t even notice the shift in attitudes that will occur collectively, of which will be a soft, gentle, yet massive wave of acceptance that will coarse over each and every one involved in that warping being. It may in fact be reminiscent of that individual who sought escape from identity sharing, that is to say that the whole will be like the one, and so separation will be simultaneously assumed while also never existing to a most comfortable extent. In trying to understand this moving forward, perhaps take a really long time to look at yourself in the mirror and try to think about as many other people than yourself as you can while you’re staring into your own eyes. Try not to get lost in the abyss on such an endeavor, although if you do, have fun!
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Thoughts of the Water Bearer ♒︎ – September
September 11, 2015
What a wonderful day the sky presents us with on this day that will go down in American history as worthy of a black ribbon. But let’s not dive too deep into the subject, as there are those who, if they ever read this, could be very fragile to sore thoughts or the matter and will anything w/ their might to twist and turn words to make you out to be one of the ***** ***** or those ******. But yah, beautiful day just south of the pentagon in Northern VA. They say the devil lives in each and every one of us (just like God) and it’s up to us and our free will to refuse his temptations. Let me tell you, these are some very fun activities the “devil” is tempting us with. Now, I never used to feel any sort of presence when I’d give into temptation, but as of late, my sins have led me to believe I have a certain sarcastic voice that is very honest and real and hurtful going on in my head. It’s this deep, growly voice, almost like a distorted version of my own that pops its head in my thought process every once in a while. It was most active when I took the research chemical at the Nationals game. In religious terms, you could say I felt a tad possessed. There were so many evil thoughts of temptation rushing through my mind (ex: I was completely comfortable w/ the idea of me rushing across the stands, jumping over the wall that separates players and people (people and people) and running across the field). To be honest he’s in my head right now tempting me w/ the idea that writing in this stupid little notebook is a gay ass waste of time but I digress (hoping I used the word correctly there). This “devils” presence in my has grown rapidly within me and it used to scare me and it still does but I’ve begun to accept and enjoy it. It has made me a lot less afraid of things that would have previously held me back in my pursuits of happiness.